Happy Halloween!
I really wanted to celebrate here on the site by changing the color scheme around to a gorgeous yellow and orange ensemble, but with all of the sleep I've been catching up on, the paid work that I've been doing, and the Civ 4 I've been playing, I didn't really have any spare time. It's a shame, too, because I really wanted to look festive instead of this grayscale thing I've got going on. Oh well. There's always Thanksgiving, I suppose.

I have the opportunity to go to Halloween party tonight and get all liquored up with all the ladies, but it being a Monday and 90 minutes from work, I can't really afford to make the trip. I had fun at last year's party, and supposedly it's gonna be even bigger and better this year. Ho hum. I also lack creativity when it comes to costumes, so I'm spared of trying to come up with something crappy. That's ok, I have my own alcohol here. :) Might make handing out candy to the young'uns a bit of challenge if my motor skills are impaired, but whatever. I'll be happy.

If I did go, I'd want to be the Burger King. Ever see those commercials? Friggin' hilarious. I doubt they have cheap costumes (outfit and all) readily available, though.

What ever happened to the subservient chicken? I guess it doesn't translate well to TV. How can cardboard have any monetary worth?
I don't really have many collections, but there are a few collectible card games that I try and make full sets out of. Sure, it'd be nice to... oh, I don't know... play the card games with someone(s), but you'd be surprised how much of a time kill I can make out of trading duplicate cards for cards I still need and then selling off my spares when I get to a point where trading isn't gonna get me what I have left to collect.

For instance, there's this card game released in 1996 called The X-Files CCG. Being a big fan of the show and a fan of card games in general, I gave it a shot. I bought a few packs. I suckered a friend to join me. We learned to play, adjusted some of the rules to our liking, and had many Saturday afternoons wasted on hour-long games of what was essentially a fucked up version of Guess Who? The makers of the game release two "core sets" of cards and one smaller "expansion" before going broke. The value of most cards sank like a rock. Once we grew bored of the game, I didn't really know what I should do with all of my cards, so I tried to complete the sets first by buying display boxes worth of cards and then joining trading sites and swapping cards with people in Mexico and Italy and other foreign places. Then it got to the point where I only need like eight or nine cards before I own all 900 or so. I let my spare cards collect dust for the longest time, knowing I wouldn't be able to trade for the ones I still need. I threw the bulk of the worthless ones away. I got to looking at those cards again recently, and it's amazing that I can pawn most of them on eBay at prices I consider to be a steal. They have no value to me, and if I sell the stuff at prices lower than anyone else, I'm set to roll in some serious bank! And I have! Well, as much bank as you can possible get for selling rares for 50 cents a pop when I could probably get more than that. It sure beats throwing everything away into the dumpster (though I may soon anyway because auctions take too long and no one is gonna "buy it now"). But then any money I make selling cards for cash I can then turn around to either fill in my gaps or start up another collection. Yay recursion!

In most cases, card collections are nice because they rarely drop in value. I used to collect baseball cards as a kid, but I don't think those will be worth anything for another 50 years. But with collectible card games, it's amazing to learn how much some of these cards can go for. I'd still rather plan my retirement around a 401k and mutual funds rather than collectible cards, but I'm in it more for the time kill and brief social interactions than anything else. I like it when people try ripping me off and I come back with an even trade and they bitch and moan about it. Nice try, but I do my homework, assholes. But I digress.

If anyone is in dire need of Ravnica commons or some of the crappier uncommons, I've got your hook-up. Let me know. :) Those will probably find their way to my nephew some time soon. He collects all sorts of useless cards, too.

I also notice that I have other useless junk in my room, and I'll probably auction most of it so I can defray moving costs (assuming I move, which I better) or maybe spend it on hookers and beer. I'll let you know when the time comes. Make it stop!
Though Shirley is only happy when it rains, and I tend to enjoy rainy weather, I'm starting to get tired of this whole rain thing. If I wanted rain, I would have moved to Seattle. It went out style a long time ago, but it keeps coming back. Sort of like bellbottoms. I hope Hammer pants and flat tops don't do the same thing. We've had at least 11 inches of rain so far this month (we average 4.2), and if that was all snow, I might be able to walk out a second-story window.

I probably almost died driving at least twice this week. Once on my way to my part-time gig on Sunday morning. I almost hydroplaned into the railings where two major interstates meet. It was really scary. I had to pump the brakes about five times before I made contact with the road again. Had some swerving action going on, too. If there was someone else on the road with me, I probably would have tagged them. My heart rate must have tripled easily for the next five minutes. Then on my way home from work today, the rain turned to a mix of sleet and rain for a brief period. I was starting to freak out not only because of all of the crazy turns that I have to make to get home. I was sliding all over the place. I'm questioning the quality of my tires, though I should probably put the blame on the ponding being created on the roadways.

I'm also freaking out due to the fact that I don't have a place to live locally (yet) and I'm not gonna be able to deal with this weather on this road. I need to get approval to move into my "foster home" like... right now. I'll get some sort of bed and buy $20 in groceries and not come out of my room for a week. I guess the odds of me getting in are greater than being rejected, which is nice. But I'm tired of this waiting game. I probably hold the world record when it comes to patience, and if I'm starting to get unnerved over the whole apartment hunting thing. The typical person probably would have flipped their shit months ago.

I don't really want to go to work for a few days. Not that I really have anything to do at home, but I don't really want to go driving, either.

I wonder if the bridge will break again, forcing me to relive the last three weeks. Bah. Tuesday Funnies
I guess this Tuesday should be called "Girl Power Tuesday," because clearly the funnies below make more of an impact if you happen to be one of the millions of hot chicks that read this site between swimsuit photo ops and daydreaming about me. Well, I'm looking out for you ladies. Don't say Jerome never did anything for you.

(Call me?)

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out, but had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves, and she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceed to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands phoned the other husband and said, "These damn girl nights have to stop. My wife came home with no panties!"

"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her rear that said, 'From all of us at The Fire Station. We will never forget you.'"

When girls drink too much:

1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.

2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead and wiggling my butt while yelling "woohoo!" is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass and honestly believe I could do it, too.

4. In my last trip to pee, I realize I now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess I was just four hours ago.

5. I drop my 3 AM sub on the floor (which I'm eating even though I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it up, and carry on eating it.

6. I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love him or her sooooo much.

7. I get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because "Oh my God! I love this song!"

8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.

9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table, and since or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.

11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own, so I keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.

12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.

13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me just lemonade, but that's just because I can no longer taste the gin.

14. I think I'm in bed, but the pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.

15. I start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but..."

16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit on it.

17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling takedown moves.

18. I'm tired, so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.

19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my button fly pants to cut down on the time I'm in the bathroom away from my drink.

20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault I'm having problems walking straight.

Christmas boycotts
I'm boycotting all companies that advertise for Christmas before it's even fucking Halloween! That's such a despicable act and just reeks of the holidays being a time of corporate greed instead of a time of giving. To quote Lewis Black, "when I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween and Santa wasn't poking his ass into it!"

So... I give my "fuck you's" to Carnival Cruise Line and some jewelry chain whose name I don't remember (but I will find out!). My boycotts are probably pointless: I don't exactly see myself getting my groove on within a luxury boat, nor am I at a point in my life where I would be buying diamonds for someone. But that's ok, I can carry grudges over several, several years.

I also hate all people that have their Christmas lights and decorations up on or before Thanksgiving. There should be a law against that. You don't ever see people with Valentine's Day shit up around New Year's. Such people deserve punches to the face. Companies that own other companies
The interesting thing about working in groceries is learning which companies own which brands.
Some fun facts:

-- Kraft owns everything: Maxwell House, Planters, Capri Sun, Stove Top, Post, Kool-Aid, a bunch of other stuff...
-- Clorox owns Hidden Valley Ranch salad dressing and KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce. Let's hope they never mix the recipies.
-- Proctor and Gamble makes Tide, Gain, and all sorts of cleaning products. They also make Pringles.
-- Pillsbury owns Smuckers jelly, Crisco, and Jif peanut butter.
-- One might think that Gatorade and Propel sports drinks are competitors. They are both owned by Quaker Oats.
-- It doesn't matter if you drink Perrier, Deer Park, Poland Springs, or San Pelligrino water. Nestle still gets your money.
-- Cadbury Schweppes makes more than just chocolate Easter eggs and ginger ale. Mott's apple juice and Yoo-Hoo are among their many other products. Will work for shelter.
My adventures with apartments continues onward. It's very slow and even I would mistake it for being stationary, but I'll pretend I'm idealistic and we're moving forward.

I guess my roommate-to-be told her landlord about what she wanted to do, and her landlord came back with a better deal: he's willing to pay for her heating if she stays. So it's probably better for her to just stay where she is. I'm not entirely sure why she was looking for a new place to begin with, because she's fairly close to work. But anyway, now she's not sure what to do, and I feel like I'm gonna get shafted one way or another. I guess her current apartment has three bedrooms, and she's gonna make an effort to get me in there with her (she only needs two). She better fucking succeed, too, because I'm pretty close to flipping out. I won't know for a week, though, and I don't really have the time to dick around anymore. The temperature is finally dropping below freezing at night now.

If she's victorious in her faux-crusade, I think I can live as long as I want and go as I please. So maybe I'll bunk up there until May and then snag one of the many available apartments once the college kids leave. It should be really cheap for me to live with her 'til then, but it doesn't make me feel "successful." I feel like I'm a stray dog left in the rain being taken into a new home than equal partners in a living arrangement. It's like I'm living at home, but with a non-relative. It's like I'm a foster kid. It doesn't give me any sense of accomplishment.

I should save a bundle because she already has all the furniture, electronics, silverware, etc. I just gotta get a bed. That's kinda nice, but I got ass loads of plates and linens and stuff from my college days hiding in the attic waiting to be used again. I'd like to get all of that dusted off some day.

Given my pessimistic nature, I suppose I better start looking at one-bedroom places. Don't really want a studio, since my existing bedroom is bigger than some of those apartments. I also don't really want to do a one-year lease on such a place, because I'd like to bail as soon as possible if I can find an acceptable living arrangement with another person. The rent on most one-bedroom places is at or above the threshold I'm willing to pay each month. The rent in Keene is insane, and if I go "cheap," it probably means there's cockroaches or broken windows or something. So this supposed roommate-to-be better fucking pull through for me. :p It's only fair, after all. In other news...
Why do canker sores have to be so hurtful? :(

I developed one in the last couple days and I would really appreciate it if it, you know, wasn't there and stuff. Makes eating and sometimes speaking a little discomforting. :( Yawn.
Nothing much new to report. I go to work. I come home. I sleep. Repeat. The only real difference lately is that I've been going to bed between 8-9 PM, so I don't feel as crappy as I have the last couple weeks.

The road to Keene has been restored, so I no longer have to detour around. It's really nice. I don't think many people realize the road is open again, so I've been reaping the rewards of driving fast and not having to worry about some jackass in a cement truck keeping my speed below average. The part of Route 9 that was off limits include the twisting winding roads that I like to burn rubber through as if I was one of those "professional drivers" you see in car commercials on an Autobahn-like back road. I'm glad it's back. Sure, it's got new asphalt in seven different spots and numerous concrete barriers, but it's back. And I can get my g-force again. :)

Though nothing is official, I feel that I'm pretty close to getting an apartment. Sure, I've said this before, but when my roommate-to-be tells a leasing agent that she's gonna put in a 30-day notice to her existing landlord, I feel like things are looking up. I can't wait for this damn rollercoaster ride to end.

The Pumpkin Festival in Keene is this weekend. I've heard a lot about it, as it's the only thing Keene does each year, and I was really hoping that by now I'd have an apartment by now so I could go downtown and see all of the sights and sounds and have pretty pictures to share to you and the rest of the people who found this site by accident. That was kinda the point of me starting up my weblog again: to showcase what I'd like to consider a new chapter in my "life" and log my zany antics as I explore the town I live in and know nothing about. I could probably go enjoy the festivities on Friday night after work. Saturday is when all the shit goes down, though.

I wonder what the flooding has done to all of the Keene-based caches. It'd really take a hit on my goal for next year if they all disappeared. I'm sure those that are missing will be replaced by their owners.

Hurricane Wilma is pretty strong, huh? The strongest storm ever, in fact! It's the last named storm of the season and we still have a month to go! Then we'll have to move onto the Greek alphabet for the names of hurricanes. I wonder if it's possible to retire a name like Tropical Storm Epsilon. If so, that'd get pretty confusing about which letters to skip the next time we have this many storms. I'm sure we will again since we decided as a planet that having global warming and a huge whole in the ozone layer is definitely the way to go.

Is there even a safe place to live anymore? I thought New England had it pretty sweet if you can tolerate the crappy overcast weather, but with the recent flooding... Screw it, I'll move to Manitoba. Manitoba is never in the news. :) Might be too cold for my tastes, though. Whatever. At least I won't have to worry about tornadoes or lightning or high winds or a swarm of locusts. Tuesday Funnies

Groom's Tale

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me... it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car!

For an extra joke that I was gonna post sooner or later, click here. My friend Chris beat me to it. :p

Actually, there's a lot of jokes at her site. Check 'em out. Don't bother with the comments, though, since a few clever bastards created some Blogger spam bots, rendering that feature near-useless. Damn you! Blast!
Since Route 9 has been closed because the bridge is out, I've been going to work via 202 to Peterborough and then 101 until it meets with Keene. But it looks like Route 101 is closed, too! Now I really have no way to get to work without taking some serious scenic routes. Rumor has it that the Sullivan bridge is passable (or at least they've come up with a way to bypass it) for cars only, but I wouldn't be too surprised if that route washes out before the day is over. Hmm. Yay back-up jobs!

My days spent living in Keene were ok I suppose. I'm on the verge of burning out, though. I haven't slept well all week and I worked both days last weekend and will be working both days this weekend, so I won't have a day off for three weeks. That may extend into four weeks, because there's some work that needs to be made up and I don't have any problems stepping up. It's what I do. :P I used to get team player and MVP awards every fiscal quarter at my part-time job. But seriously, I'm gonna die if I don't get some R&R into my schedule soon.

I took a look at a few apartments while I was there, and there's one I really like and hope to get. Best. Carpetting. Ever. It was like I was standing on foamy pillows. Plenty of space. Lots of outlets and connections. It's on the higher side of our collective rent budget, but I think it'll be worth it. Gotta get the roommate to take a gander. We get some discounts for being employees at where we work, too. Woo. 75 minutes.
That's my new commute time. Quite a jump from the 30 minutes I'm used to. I feel like I'm doing overnights in Nashua again. Except I didn't mind that drive, because it was steady all the way down and I got reimbursed for mileage and toll money. This new route is gonna cause me to break some shit. Normally, on Tuesdays, the men in my department wear a tie (no real reason for it), but I didn't wear one this time. If I did, I would have hung myself with it during the ride down. Lots and lots of school busses. Lots and lots of people going the speed limit and not five over. Lots of construction. It sucked. I can't tolerate this for much longer, and I've only had to do a round trip once! I'm gonna bunk up with a friend for a couple days (he lives like two minutes from work), so it's gonna be quiet on this here weblog for a bit.

I hope they fix up that bridge in Sullivan quickly, because I don't want to drive or bunk up too often. Better yet, maybe I should get an apartment and quit my damn bitching. Tuesday Funnies
Had to type these ones out since they wouldn't forward for some gay reason. You better appreciate them.

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let if be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quatas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = the problem logged by pilot
S = the solution and action taken by mechanics

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produced 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of biting their lip to stay calm while these exchanges were taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one that is living with you?
A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
Q: How long as he lived with you?
A: 45 years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he does not know about until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old was he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at the time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition, which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All of my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK?
A: Yes.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on a table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, practicing law somewhere.

Rain, rain, go away...
Didn't go to work today, since the road to work was closed off in various parts. Since I didn't know of an alternate route, I went to Concord instead and worked for my part-time company. Although I don't make as much there, it is still more than what I'd get if I just sat at home dicking around all day long. They didn't really have any hours in the budget to give me, but I was allowed to come in anyway. :) My pimp hand is strong there.

It was kinda nice, though. A good change of pace. I got to manhandle furniture most of the day. Looks like I called in just in time for them to see "the gun show," one of many names I have for my awesome biceps. Ooh yeah!

Though there's no money available for my services rendered, I was asked if I could come in tomorrow, too. I'm kinda tempted to. My drive to Keene has gone from 30 minutes to probably close to an hour. So is the higher pay rate worth the longer commute? I don't know. I guess that depends how long it's gonna take for them to fix up the road I usually travel on. And if the water in Keene has receded, this gives me added incentive to get an apartment right now. It's not a drive I want to make too many times. Flooding photos
Pictures were summitted to WMUR and I stole them from there. Hey, at least I'm not hotlinking!

Keene, my future home:

Brookside. One of the places I thought I'd move into!
Brookside being evacuated
Brookside from Summit Road I think.
East Surry Road
East Surry Road. Different angle.
Keene State College parking lot
Keene State College walking path
Marlboro Street. Another street I thought of living on!
Marlboro Street again
Pizza Downunder, very close to Brookside I think.
Princeton Westwood. Yet another place I wanted to move into!
Spring Street, Keene
Staples Plaza. Pan more left and there's the KFC-Taco Bell restaurtant I live in.
Water Street, Keene. How appropriate.
Winchester Street, Keene

Hillsboro, my town:

A home near Beard Brook
Beard Brook, where the tar becomes dirt
The bridge on Beard Brook
The bridge, again
Cricenti's Market, downtown
Cricenti's, again
Hillsboro Ford. Take that, you bastards!
Hillsboro Ford. Pan right some more and you're in Cricenti's.
Gleason Falls, which is way the hell up there somewhere.
The road to Gleason Falls
Gleason Falls. Owned.
Gould Pond (aka Emerald Lake area)
Gould Pond is on the east side of town. I'm west side.
Sampan, like a mile or so from my house!
One of Sampan's propane tanks being swept away. (They both swept away.)
Sleeper Road. No clue where that is.

Hinsdale, a town along the river between NH and Vermont:

Ashuelot Road, Hinsdale. Hinsdale got its ass beat hard by the rains.
Collapsed house in Hinsdale.
Collapsed road
Another collapsed road
Monument Road

Newport, about 25 miles northwest of me, near Lake Sunapee:

Main Street
Newport flooding
Newport's airport

Others:

A road in Chesterfield
Near my retirement place in Goshen
A boat in Governor's Island, Gilford
High Street, Walpole. Walpole got owned hard.
Washington-Windsor town line. Five minutes from home.
Salmon Brook. Not sure where that is (Nashua?).
Sawyer Lake, Gilmanton
Sugar River in Claremont
Sullivan Bridge. Why I can't go to work.
Washington Street, Claremont
Twin Bridge Road, Northfield A state of emergency
Because of the slow-moving rain the last couple nights, a lot of the towns in my cross section of America are flooded. Several businesses are ruined and houses have collapsed. Several bridges and roads are washed out. Luckily, the part of town I live in is ok, though the Chinese restaurant a mile or so down the road isn't doing so hot. Their propane tanks have washed away. A lot of roads in town are currently washed out. I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to make it to work tomorrow, because the towns on the way to Keene, and especially Keene itself, are full of water and broken roads.

I don't have too many details, but I'm sure the papers tomorrow will have a lot of print dedicated to this flooding. A lot of areas got 6-11 inches of rain. The governor declared a state of emergency. It pales to what happened to New Orleans, but it's still pretty... uh... wet.

Pictures are forthcoming. "You know what really grinds my gears? Lindsay Lohan."
It's raining right now in New Hampshire; and from what I've heard, it's not going to stop raining for several days. I normally don't mind rainy days: they are great days for me to take care of some of my many little projects or to watch a DVD I bought years ago but haven't opened yet. And while I do have projects I could work on and DVD's I could watch, I'm too damn bored to do either. All I really want to do is sleep. I'm also missing certain people, places, and things, and I'm really becoming underjoyed because I can't shake them out of my head. Maybe if I focused on a project or watching a DVD instead? Aww, what a vicious cycle apathy can be.

I watched the new Family Guy movie DVD last night. That was pretty decent. It's like a long epsiode. I like how they brought back almost every character for a cameo somewhere in the movie, and the part where they bashed FOX for taking the show off the air in the first place because it was in the same time slot as the huge powerhouses that were Friends and Survivor. Of course they weren't gonna get ratings! They got higher ratings as reruns when Adult Swim picked up the show! I'm so happy the show is back on TV, though. Best. Show. Ever.

The apartment I had really good feelings would be mine has been rented to some other people. The guy who showed us the place gave the place away because he didn't hear back from us. That's a lie, for I called a few times and left messages on his answering machine saying we want the place. The guy is old and near-deaf, so it doesn't completely shock me that he didn't "hear" our messages. Even when I finally got him on the phone instead of a machine, he told me to speak up a few times. I guess we're back to square one again. :(

I'm questioning how badly my roommate wants to move to Keene. I don't really know where she lives right now, and I'm thinking she lives close enough that having an apartment would be nice but not completely necessary. I don't think she has called places or has visited places as often as she says she has, and I can't really afford to keep going down this path of indifference and ignorance and hope an apartment is just gonna come to me. I need a place like... right now. I expected to have a place by the end of August. We're now a week into October. I have found a few places that would have worked out for the two of us. I doubt her commitment to "seal the deal." I'm gonna have to ramp up my lack of assertiveness. Or find a one-bedroom place, 'cause I'm not gonna be apartment-less for another month or so. This is getting old. It's total bullshit.

Not sure what I can say to end this post on a good note. Hmm...

The NHL is back! Woo! Though I know that will make some people I know unhappy, I'm giddy of the thought of seeing it on TV. They haven't aired any games that I'm aware of, though, since that whole baseball playoffs thing is going on. Boo! Red rocket, red rocket?
While digging for a funny to post on Tuesday, I found this little gem. And out of the kindness of my heart, I will share it with you, my loyal readers. Not out of choice, exactly, but I don't think I'll have too much to write about in the coming days and I need some filler. :)

Lizard Birthing Story

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad, Can you help?"

I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!" "Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged.

"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.

"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. "It's just... that... I'm picturing you pulling on its... its... teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

2 Lizards - $140.
1 Cage - $50.
Trip to the Vet - $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's wacker: Priceless

64oz Mott's Apple Juice: 14800-00034
I find it funny to shop in supermarkets now, because my latest job entails looking at a lot of UPC's and finding out which products I can put in which facilities at what price and in how many weeks. There are times when certain products are needed because they become "in season" or for a particular advertisement, it's often easier to read off a UPC to someone than it is to refer to it by its name. Do you have any idea how many different sizes and boxes there are for Kellogg's? It's fucking insane.

So when food shopping, I find myself playing little games like "guess the first five digits of the UPC" and "guess which warehouses I need this in" (though the first game is easy enough to test if I'm right or wrong, the second one is hard to prove or disprove). I can sometimes recall how much it would cost me to buy a pallet of a product and then gasp at the mark-up when they finally reach retail shelves. And at other times, I find myself playing "guess how many cases of these are needed to fill an 18-wheeler." Oh yes, good times.

Another thing that astonishes me about groceries is that how the hell we manage to pack so much into our warehouses even though people still eat about the same amount year round. I can understand how electronics stores can be packed to the brim waiting to release their 10-cent DVD players the day after Thanksgiving, but groceries? Sure, turkeys and gravies are popular during Thanksgiving and coal sells like crazy through the summer, but to be told to stop buying stuff because we have too much junk already strikes me as odd. Somehow, we've entered "Christmas mode." Any storage facilities with space are likely to act as a dumping ground for facilities that are too full. I guess there's gonna be some huge ads for candies and other randomness coming up. It's also the time where manufacturers like to change pack sizes (going from 24-packs to 18-packs, for instance), so we gotta get rid of the old discontinued inventory and make room for the new stuff. T'is the season.

I guess I shouldn't expect to be too busy, either, since the bulk of my work involves looking at offers and finding a place to put it if the price is good. That will be a nice change of pace from working in retail, where I found myself being at work as early as 3:00 in the morning, going home at 11:00 AM, then coming back in that night and working past midnight. I believe I have to work the day after Thanksgiving at my new job, so I luck out with the hell involved in my part-time gig. :) Yay! Tuesday Funnies
For some reason, today's funnies wouldn't transfer over from my work email account to any other email account I have. This isn't the first time this has happened, and I figured that those ">" signs were causing the email to be filtered as spam and never make it to my home inbox. But my spam-heavy hotmail account didn't get it, either, which leads me to believe that MS Outlook is a piece of junk. Boo Outlook! Yay Eudora!

Lucky for me (and you?), I do have a very small handful of funnies on my home PC, this one courtesy of my friend Chris:

The Drunk

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few moments later a loud, blood, curdling scream is heard coming from the restroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes to the restroom door to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring the customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles!"

With that, the bartender opens the door and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Hopefully, I'll have better luck next week. "You may now  kiss ... sleep in seperate bedrooms."
Apparently, having a roommate of the opposite sex means I'm married, according to some people. Hmmph. I guess I must have slept in when that law passed Congress. And strangely, everything I own is still considered mine and vice-versa. I don't remember signing a prenup when arrangements were being made. Marriage isn't even a foreseeable option for me given how my life has played out thus far.

I could care less if my roommate is male, female, or a monkey. All I'm really looking for is someone (or something) that will pay half the rent, won't be blaring music at 2:00 in the morning, and who is clean (or in the monkey's case, doesn't throw its own feces). Doesn't bother me really if the person becomes a friend or a foe, as long as he/she can keep on top of his/her dirty dishes and has a good credit history, my requirements are met. Bonus points if the person doesn't smoke, has similar interests, and can leave my food alone. Doesn't really matter much anyway, I don't think I'll be "home" too often.

She happens to be an outside smoker, which is usually enough grounds to fall off my... eh... "love radar." At least the place we're looking at has a back porch. Woo. Wall-plugged ethernet bridges?
Yeah, that's something new to me. Essentially, you plug your modem or router into one of these wall devices, then put another one of those devices in an outlet near where you want the ethernet connection to go to. That's it. You're done. I bought a kit of two to replace the 100-foot cable that spans from my room to my mother's computer (wireless didn't work because of "dead spots" in my house). Now that cable is zip-tied up and buried in my closet, because this kit works like a charm so far. Now I'll be able to shut my door, and people won't be tripping on the cord as it cuts across the hallway. Kinda neat. In reality, though, I picked up the kit for my apartment. I don't want to buy a wireless card for my desktop PC, and since I doubt I'll be allowed to drill holes for the ethernet cable to go through, this will make a wonderful alternative. Just wanted to test it out first.

Want one for yourself? Expect to shell out $100 for a 2-piece kit. Comes with a pair of short ethernet cables, too. Rock. There's a wireless kit, too, if you'd rather go that route. The seeds of war
Decided to redeem myself a bit and hit up a couple caches this afternoon.

On the way up, I noticed several yard sales and "we're moving" sales along the side of the road. I was tempted to do a little shopping. I visited a place with my roommate on Friday, and I'm fairly confident that this will be the place we're gonna live. Unfortunately, I don't know what we need in terms of furniture and knick-knacks, so I didn't stop anywhere. Not that it would really help me any; a sedan isn't designed to transport furniture. I hope there will be more yard sales next week. I should have a more definitive idea of what to be on the look out for by then. I'm not sure how I'm gonna bring anything I find to where I'll be living, but I'll worry about that bridge when I get to it.

I spotted an unusual sign on my drive up. You know those moose or cattle crossing signs? Well, I spotted one that had a picture of a stick figure walking, and then a sign under it saying "next 3/4 miles." I guess they didn't have money to make crosswalks, so they put up this sign instead. Strange, though, because I might have seen two or three houses during that 3/4-mile stretch.

The first cache I visited was in a place that I have now deemed as my retirement place. If I become rich and famous... no, no... when I become rich and famous, I will purchase Gunnison Lake (aka Williamson Park) in Goshen, NH, and live out the rest of my life there. Or at least the summer months. :) It's very peaceful and beautiful. I wish I had my camera with me, but I don't think any pictures I would have taken would have done it justice. The nearby hiking trails are well maintained and full of sights and sounds. The cache wasn't too hard to find, and I wanted to just hang out and take it all in for a while. I may have to picnic here at some point in the future, like a couple people where doing when I was on my way to my next cache stop.

The other cache I found took a long time to hike to. It was a cache that no one has found in about six months, and I was a bit leery of going for it. I didn't want to come up empty handed. I did find it, though. Yay! It was on the top of a hill with a wonderful view. After logging my visit, I just sat up here by myself for about 45 minutes. I had time, no one else was gonna go cache hunting, right? I studied how the coniferous trees and deciduous trees claimed the lower hills in some sort of silent war against each other. They weren't all mixed together homogenously, but in large patches. I'd spot a lot of pine trees, then the "colored leaf army" would claim a valley or hill as its own, and then more pine trees would lie after them. Awesome. I also could see Gunnison Lake from where I was. That's when I realized I should probably head back home, because if the lake was that far away, my car must be quite a hike back, too. Plus I like to think that someone somewhere might per chance be missing me. :p

During my contemplation of going home or not, a group of five or six came up to the main overlook. I was sitting on a rock that acted as an auxiliary overlook near the cache. They spotted me and just waited for a while. I assume they were cachers, too (who else would come up here?), but we geocachers are xenophobic by nature. I got my shit together, came out of my little side-shot area, said hi, and left. If they were cachers, they were a bunch of cheaters. The drove their pick-up truck to .3 miles of the cache, whereas I hiked the entire 1.5 one-way. Pfft. Not sure why they had water bottles with them if that was the case. I didn't bring any (mainly because I'm an idiot).

Discounting locationless caches, I've reached my goal for the season. But I've cached as far into the year as late November. Why meet a goal when you can break it? I still have plenty of time to go. :) I'll have to iron myself some grilled cheese first. Hold the starch.