Tuesday Funnies

President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy (Lil Johnny) raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well," says Lil Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing on the war in Iraq.

He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh No!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up with a puzzled look on his face, and asks, "Exactly how many is a brazillion?"

Because there's enough Bush bashing going on. This website emits heroin.

Josh: update or suffer the consequences!!!!!
Me: oh shit
Me: i better get on that then
Josh: yeah thats right, you done messed up now. Im addicted to that shit and I swear I am tweaking!!! I will sell you my vcr for a 3 line blog update...CMON MAN I NEED THIS!!!!
Me: haha

Ok, terrific.

Not much to say at the moment.

The weekend was decent as I attempted to drink myself until I puked while playing cards with a buddy.

I'm starting to dread my part-time job because after this past Sunday, I will be coming into work earlier and earlier. On Christmas Eve, I have to be there at 3 AM! That sucks! But at least I won't be there the morning after Thanksgiving. I have a "real job" that takes precedence to helping those ass clowns waiting to get a $300 desktop or some TV box set for $20.

This weekend also sucked because it was rainy and very windy, so I didn't geocache it up. Strangely, I wasn't really in the mood to do so, anyway, even if the weather turned out to be nice.

I'm not liking this "hey, it's dark at 4:30" crap that is happening now. It really limits my options after work. I better come up with some new indoor hobbies. Or put my 32" high-def flat panel TV to use with a dvd movie subscription. :) Someone new found my cache!

Found It! October 26 by tjpinard (1 found)
My first find. I mountain bike here all the time, and when I got a GPS I learned about Geocaching. I'm hooked now.

That's at least two people taking up the habit courtesy of me, and supposedly others have taken interest because swhorfe the GPS-less sidekick told them about it. I'm starting to get my own geocaching pyramid scheme going on here. :) I don't think there's a merit badge for boxing.

Jon: yep, I'm a boy scout
Me: nice
Jon: well, I never was actually a boy scout, but I like to "be prepared"
Me: i was
Me: made it to star class
Me: which is 2 below eagle
Me: then my [former] stepdad stopped bringing me to scouts cause he was lazy
Jon: dang that sucks
Jon: I knew like 2 guys that became eagle scouts
Jon: we picked on them
Me: but i found an eagle scout ring somewhere in my house
Me: so uh
Me: i guess i could where it and no one would know the difference
Me: and all the chicks' parents would love me
Jon: heh
Jon: yeah
Jon: would they even know what it was?
Me: an eagle scout?
Me: the ring has a logo on it and shit written around the outside of it
Jon: the ring
Me: sort of like a class ring
Me: if they don't, it'll make a decent conversation piece
Jon: it'll make a nice dent in their vagina
Me: lol

Well I found that funny, anyway, and that all that matters. Questions

Question 1:

A woman is pregnant and already has 8 children, 3 are blind, 2 are deaf, and she has syphilis. Would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A:
* Associates with crooked politicians
* Consults with astrologists
* Has had two mistresses
* Chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day

Candidate B:
* Was kicked out of office twice
* Sleeps until noon
* Used opium in college
* Drinks a quart of whisky every evening

Candidate C:
* He is a decorated war hero
* He's a vegetarian
* Doesn't smoke
* Drinks an occasional beer
* Hasn't had any extramarital affairs

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Answers in the next text box.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

Oh, by the way, the answer to the abortion question is if you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting, isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Tuesday Funnies

Same Old Thing

"I'm just bored with fuckin' the same hole night after night after night. I guess I'm hankerin' for a bit of variety." Fred told his buddy.

Jim replied, "Well, if you want variety, why don't you just, you know, turn her over every now and again?"

Fred says, "What? And have a house full of kids?"

Oh snap! Stop the presses!
I came across an important realization today:

There are nine weeks until Christmas.

I will now pause a moment to let that sink in...







What the hell? That's very disturbing!

The nature of my full-time job is such that I am typically looking for product that is coming into season, placing orders to arrive four, six, or eight weeks down the road. So I'm already past Halloween, almost done with Thanksgiving, and looking towards Christmas for seasonal buys. So while nine weeks may seem very distant to most, I already think it's my birthday.

I don't particularly care much for the upcoming holidays. My work in retail has caused both Thanksgiving and Christmas to lose their luster. I couldn't enjoy Thanksgiving for a few years because I would have to go to bed by 6 PM and be at work the following day -- Black Friday -- at 2 or 3 AM. What's even sadder is that there will already be a dozen people waiting outside, some with sleeping bags and tents, for us to open at 6 AM. The weeks from Thanksgiving to Christmas are also joyless because it's all about commercialism and shoppers being pissed that our $400 laptop sold out in 15 minutes after the doors opened. Go fucking figure.

Each year, I try to get my shopping done before Thanksgiving even starts. I typically manage to get half of the people taken care of by then. Finding stuff for friends is easy. Family tends to suffer with post-Thanksgiving junk because I refuse to spend more than five minutes in any store this time of year. Heh. And I'm not particularly big with getting gift cards, which makes it even more amusing. :)

I think shopping for me this year will be easy. Between apartment stuff and camping/hiking gear (going to Peru in May!), there should be enough at most price ranges that there's no reason for anyone to not find something I could use. I just wish other people would generate a list as early as I do so I can get my shopping done that much sooner.

Enough of this talk. Halloween isn't even here yet. Ok, who's next?
I'm kinda dying to do another geocaching numbers run. Either that, or find another peak to climb. Or just tie up my geocaching "loose ends." I'm not sure which. Maybe a mix of all three.

300 finds is a viable goal. I could do it if I so please, but it probably will mean forsaking the peak climbing.

Getting more finds is tougher now that it's hunting season. I own an orange coat... or something. I got it two Christmases ago and I have yet to wear it. I'm gonna have to find it if I don't want to get filled full of buckshot. It also doesn't help that it gets darker sooner, which means I can only cache on the weekends and not after work. So sad.

Gap Mountain and Mount Grace are both decent day treks, and therefore demand my attention. There are a couple worthwhile climbs in the Bears Den Conservation in Athol, MA, which I would like to do as well. I may not make it to 300 if I do these.

As far as loose ends go:

* If I went back and cleaned out Wendell State Forest (the place of "the tournament"), I could hit 300 that day.
* I have yet to return to Winchendon.
* I kinda want to exact my revenge on the ticks along the Contoocook River in Concord and Hopkinton.
* I have a few DNF's in Concord I'd like to clear from my record.
* I wanna head up to Goshen for the view, and clear out the Mount Sunapee area, but again, that's a lot of driving and will require a full day's work.
* Pawtuckaway State Park would like to get owned by me again. Bear Brook State Park is also just outside of Concord and has yet to be ravaged by Yours Truly. I don't have the connections anymore to make this less of a logistical problem for me (lots of driving; would like to crash somewhere), which makes it a low priority.

I'm curious how this will all play out. I have no idea. Pumpkin Festival 2006
Gettin' 'er ready:

* Keene Center. It's not really leaning. I don't think, anyway...
* A close up of the main display.
* From further away, people are setting up tents and whatnot.
* More main display goodness
* The curbs of Main Street, and most other streets. Blurry, but you get the idea.
* Another display, but on Railroad Street
* Pumpkins on Railroad Street
* Put the two together

I'll write more later, but right now, I just want to get the hell out of this town before "the horde" shows up. Seriously. It's gonna be a mess. Whatever.
Quiet week thus far, and I suspect it will remain that way the rest of the week. Not much to report.

Helped swhorfe tag a few caches after work. Wasn't expecting to do that, so I didn't have the GPS handy, but since I've found most of the local ones and he was just jonesing to up his number of finds (as well as wanting to lose the travel bug he picked up), so I helped him find a couple quickies in downtown Keene. He's got nine finds now. That's so... adorable! Brings a tear to my eye.

I don't think I'm gonna do much more caching this year, though with how things are currently shaping up for Thanksgiving, I'm actually considering doing a run many miles north of my mother's house after lunch. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a sad thing. No one is gonna be around. So why not? And I wasn't exactly having the time of my life last Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was horrible. Reading through my crap from last fall, it looks like the entire season just didn't go my way in regards to anything: apartment fallouts, roommate-to-be fallout, October flooding, a month without a day off... not pleasant any way you slice it.

Here's to hoping for a better fall. So far, so good. Tuesday Funnies

A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids.

The Wal-Mart greeter asks, "Are they twins?"

The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"

"No," replies the greeter. "I just can't believe you got laid twice."

Short and sweet. Gettin' it on

Jon: congratulations on hitting the big 257
Me: ha
[...]
Jon: are you going to the punpkin festival?
Me: might as well... it's a 5-minute walk away
Jon: you should fuck a jack o lantern
Me: again?
Jon: why not?
Me: i'll have to find one without jagged edges this time

Let us not forget the candle burns. Yikes. I'm peeping.
Played in the woods some more. Big surprise there. Some pictures?

Black Mountain, Dummerston, VT:
I don't know if I was actually on Black Mountain, but there was a trail that lead to a vista anyway.

Black Mountain, southern view. Not sure what I'm looking at.
Black Mountain, southwestern view. Ditto.
Cairn Village #1. One of many up here.
Cairn Village #2
Cairn Village #3
Cairn Village #4
Cairn Village #5. Halfway up the trail. The others are at the vista.

Madame Sherri State Forest, Chesterfield, NH:
Same place that me and swhorfe decided to almost end our lives.

Indian Pond. The pond before the elevation starts rising.
Indian Pond, 700 feet later
Indian Pond, 700 feet later close-up
Mine Mountain, eastern view. That might be Monadnock.
Mine Mountain, southeastern view
Mine Mountain, southern view #1
Mine Mountain, southern view #2. A little more river.
Mine Mountain, Connecticut River #1. Some business?
Mine Mountain, Connecticut River #2
Mount Wantastiquet. Well, not so much from there, but from the satellite tower nearby. I couldn't really take shots from that vista because 20+ people were up there doing who knows what.

Monadnock from Keene #1. Near Route 101 and 10.
Monadnock from Keene #2. Near Route 12 and 9. My view home from work each day.

The Pumpkin Festival is next weekend. Should have plenty more picture-taking to do then. (I'm trying to put my camera to use for once.) Wedding pictures, 9/23
Check it out: it's Chris Mitchell and Elzabeth Hamshaw's wedding photos! I'm in a few of them, and for those of you who were in high school with me, you may recognize Josh Rockwell in some of them as well. He was another usher.

There were two photographers, one following the bride and one following the groom. I assume that the order of the pictures are chronological. We did start off at Burger King, played some frisbee, got ready, and got the show on the road. A more in-depth write-up can be found here. It'd be way funny if all of these pictures are in fact in order, because as we play frisbee and dick around, the ladies are getting ready. And by the time we're good to go, the ladies are still getting ready. I wouldn't be surprised if that was truly the case.

Some pictures I liked:

* Crouching "Ninja" Grondin doing a multi-skip throw of some sort
* A frisbee throw to the cameraman
* Me and Josh Rockwell
* I'm bored
* Rockwell with the Al Bundy routine
* Me in a tux
* Me and Mitchell in charge
* A random cutie. Don't remember her name, but she was hot. ;)

Yes sir. Tuesday Funnies

Tech Support

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingBuddies 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as GuysNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Hooker 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2006.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted, they then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboBitch and Multi-Personality. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Porsche 911 Turbo hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2006, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2006, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

It just keeps stooping lower and lower.
To protect names, we had some placeholders in place. Go figure. That's what placeholders do, no?

Luke: This guy is whipped pretty badly by his wife.
Scott Dokken: He loves Pearl Jam. He's the one "the fire" is destined to detroy, as witnessed in this three-word game post. (See the last one.)
Brett: He hates Pearl Jam. A lot. However, his musical tastes are questionable since he admitedly buys Lindsay Lohan stuff.

Five words. Three writers:

I do vehemently attest that the last time we went to the bank Brett lost, but today he beat Scott with infinite fucking epicness. He almost did it in half the time it takes Luke to submit to his wife! Before next week, the rules of engagement while in enemy banks will have to change.

To my surprise, Brett bought various Lindsay Lohan memorabilia at discount prices after he bought the entire Pearl Jam catalogue, which he promptly set aflame because he already owned it. His favorite CD is "Yield." Scott Dokken greatly enjoys penis. But that's ok, because he and Brett love Pearl Jam and Scott Dokken enjoys penis. Together, they can rock out both with their cocks out. Scott likes that, he's gay.

This story was never gonna end its cycle, as "Brett" refused to accept listening to Pearl Jam.

This one coming is pretty nutty. "Scott" called out sick and we take full advantage. Three words. Varied between two and three writers at time:

Today, an unexpected event has made this day the happiest one ever. With the biggest douchebag calling out complaining about a thing so gay it defies explanation, we can only hope that he has died horrifically. His lust for masculine things has made everyone uncomfortable.

What has caused him to have the audacity to strip the pants off his favorite preschooler? Simple. He only feels lust when he explores the orifices of succulent and vulnerable little secrets called, "children's rear ends." Readying his meat for insertion into their lust caverns, he smiled gleefully as he rammed the poor child WITH HIS TRUCK! OMG! LOL! WTF!

Epically maneuvering the truck to maximize his forward movement while still taking time to delicately turn the wheel 10 degrees past his prior swerve, he was rapidly propelled ahead of the airborne body, allowing him to air combo with his miniscule penis. 32 hits later, the pantsless child skidded to an inappropriate, prone position. Scott firmly grabbed him by the skin of his quivering hips, and spread him wide to accept his BIRTHDAY PARTY INVITE! Bring your own chainsaws, guns, and 1337 54u(3!

The big surprise is in Scott's pants: free crabs! It causes uncontrollable itching and you need blood from a marsupial to get onto your lumpy preschooler without infection. If executed correctly, Scott can get out of the preschooler and into a 9- year-old. He likes to slowly lick the soft rosy CHERRY COTTON CANDY off of the asshole of Johnny, the second-grader.

It seems there are other people with the same mental disease as Scott "Kidslammer" Dokken. They have to be identified quickly and then shot by a camera for police records. The most notorious offender, his father, is made famous for banging four nails into the kids Scott molests.

The abnormal battle in Scott's psyche causes rapid degredation of his appetite for penis, and increased it for his hunger of little boys. What intrigues scientists most is that he refuses to swallow anything except for penis penis penis. And hyperbeams.

Fin.

What a novel. Over 100 emails sent out to complete this. You gotta love any story that combines pedophilia, strafe jumping, air combos, and 1337 54u(3!

And hyperbeams. 3165 feet of awesomeness.

Found It! October 7 by Max Jerome (250 found)
#250!

This one took me a while to find, and I was actually getting worried that I wouldn't find it. The hint lead me to the spot, but it still took me about 15-20 minutes to locate the cache!

I was stressing out all week trying to get to 250 on Monadnock. I was at 244 on Monday. And I cleaned out most of my hometown already. It took a little creativity to make it happen. And once I was at 249 courtesy of the other Monadnock cache, I almost freaked that I might have to consider DNF'ing this one and not hitting #250! :P

Anyhoo, I left a Maine GC (trackable at geocachingmaine.org), and I threw in a new notepad. The older one is filled. I took nothing.

Thanks for the milestone!

I woke up at 6 AM. I didn't get out of bed until about 6:24 AM. Yay snooze button.

I showered, I ate, I was out the door. I had all of my crap together last night, so it was all just get up and go.

On the way up Dublin Road, the road in which Mount Monadnock's visitor center is off of, there is a great view of the mountain with nothing in front of it. It looked like what I remembered of Skeletor's Castle in the mountains (Snake Mountain to be exact), or that of any evil villan's lair: it looked like a dark creepy mountain with dark clouds swirling around it, and the summit just peeked over the fog. It looked pretty intimidating. But I ain't scared of jack shit!

I got to the visitor's center area by about 7:30. It was about 35 degrees out. Made me wonder how cold it was at the top. I had the first parking spot in. There were a couple other cars already, but somehow I scored the first spot.

I set off up the White Dot Trail. It's the most popular trail. Since I was hiking alone, I figure this would be the best trail for me to do in case I did something stupid and someone would have to rescue me, I wouldn't have to wait too long to see someone. Assuming I wasn't going hiking at 7:30 in the morning, anyway. :p The White Dot Trail is also the shortest (1.9 miles) and the most direct to the summit, which also makes it the steepest. The parking area is approximately 1400 feet from sea level. The summit is 3165 feet. Have some incline, why don't ya?

The hike up was a bit rough. Sweat was burning my eyes. I was hiking faster than the hiker in front of me, and I passed him twice, but ultimately, I would have to rest and he would pass me again. In the end, he made it to the top before I did. I found the area below the tree line to be the hardest. Once you start going over rocks instead of roots, it was still steep, but it didn't bother me as much. Maybe I was getting used to it or the strong winds were keeping me cool, but it was still a rough time.

Cache #249 turned out to be pretty easy. It is near where the White Dot and the White Cross Trails meet. Then I was off to the summit, another 1/4 of a mile up.

I got up there around 9:00. That's 90 minutes with a cache find. So I probably could have done it in about 70-80 minutes. I guess that's not bad. Three other people were up there by the time I showed up. I then spent the next 20+ minutes trying to find cache #250 which, as you can tell from my log above, almost didn't happen. It was very well hidden! I then went back to the summit. At the is point, I had it all to myself! Me! Alone! On the world's most hiked mountain! Is that even possible? It didn't take long for others to show up. By the time I left at 9:45ish, about ten others were at the top. And one guy was playing a Japanese flute, serrantating the valleys below. Weather-wise, it was very windy and very cold. I made a phone call after reaching #250, and my hands were all pink and numb by the time the call was over. Had to use the hood part of my hoodie for once.

On the way down, I met some good looking female hikers that told me they totally wanted me. I mean, they said the ranger was expecting over a thousand people to hike up here today. And no exaggeration, I must have come across 500-600 people hiking up the White Dot Trail. Wow! There were a lot of Asians, too. New Hampshire really doesn't have any minority representation anywhere in the state, but I'd say about 33% of the hikers I saw on my way down were Asian. Hmm.

By the time I got to the parking lot, it was completely filled. There is also an upper parking lot that was vacant this morning, but that was filled as well. As I turned back onto Dublin Road to leave, there was a guy directing traffic further up the road. I assume he was pointing incoming cars to another parking area up the road near Gilson Pond, which also has a trail that leads to Mount Monadnock. It was pretty ridiculous.

So yeah. 250. Not sure I could have done it later in the day with "the horde." But alas, I am victorious. Wicked.

Picture time?

The warning sign at the beginning of the trail. I guess I didn't get the memo about hiking alone. Fuck it. I ain't scared!

On a clear day, supposedly you can see all six New England states from Mount Monadnock's summit. I'm not sure what I was looking at when I was up there, but if you see your house, let me know:

Northern view from Mount Monadnock's summit
Northwestern view from Mount Monadnock's summit
Western view from Mount Monadnock's summit
Southwestern view from Mount Monadnock's summit
Southern view from Mount Monadnock's summit
Southeastern view from Mount Monadnock's summit. Starting to get scary as you look eastward.
Eastern view from Mount Monadnock's summit
Northeastern view from Mount Monadnock's summit
A survey disk on the Mount Monadnock's summit. This is where I stood to take the pictures.
The Japanese flute player at the summit. Yes, that's a flute, you sick fuck.

And... I'm spent. Gettin' there!

Found It! October 6 by Max Jerome (248 found)
Found quickly. TNLNSL. I probably had enough time to head up the trail to the other two caches (I found the "Into the Mine" one last week), but I didn't have water with me. It would have brought me to #250 as well. While these series of caches would be great for a milestone, I'd like to give Mount Monadnock the honors tomorrow morning.

The Human Torch TB is gone, as swhorfe (my occasional sidekick) found this cache earlier in the week. Impressive, seeing how he doesn't own a GPS, but we knew where the general area was for this cache as we had to use its coordinates as a waypoint as we hiked down the mountain in the dark last week. I guess he's afraid/allergic to bookkeeping, however, as he has yet to log his finds or the TB. What a jerk. ;)

TFTC!

This is almost like work. :p At least I made it to within striking distance. Almost carefree.
It's getting to be crunch time, but panic has not set in yet. Some level of stress, yes, but not panic. It's a little bizarre that I feel stress, for this is "just a hobby," but I expect to reach my 250th geocache on the summit of Mount Monadnock Saturday morning. The problem with that, however, is that I am at a mere 245 as of Wednesday night, and most of the easy and close targets have already been found.

I felt the pressure coming on today, as I tried to find #246 in the center of Walpole, NH, which is just northwest of Keene. I got up there immediately after work, parked with 250 feet of the cache, walked to within 30 feet, then had to back off. The cache is hidden on the property of the Historical Society. While this isn't a problem, the fact that the building is surrounded by residential area is. And during my pursuit, I noticed a man doing God-knows-what outside about 60 feet from me. Not to draw attention to myself, I walked to the front of the Historical Society's building and just sat on the steps. I would check back every couple minutes to see if that muggle has left, but he would still be out there. It really sucked. I tried to wait him out for 45 fucking minutes, at which point I figured he wasn't going anywhere, so I took off.

Even if he did leave, it would have been a little weird, because a van pulled up perpendicular to where the cache is (or where I think it is) about 300 feet away, and the guy inside never exited the vehicle. He just stayed in there, as if he was waiting for me to make my move so the SWAT team can move in and take me down. The only side outside of view of these two muggles would be taken by a third muggle in another residential area staring out the window. I couldn't even go back to my car without having a conversation with a fourth muggle, who apparently was waiting for someone to come out of the nearby dentist's office. What the hell.

I'm very paranoid when I cache.

I wasn't too worried with reaching 250 on Saturday until I failed to find this one today. I cannot afford any sort of failure. Now, I have to rework my route for the final three or four caches before Saturday. Not a big deal you might say, seeing how I can easily find eight or more on any given Sunday. Well, I'm not near Concord, so the caches are harder to come by. There are two local ones I will have to succeed in finding tomorrow, and then I'll probably head back in the direction of Brattleboro, VT and hope I find a pair of caches before the sun goes down. It's not as easy as it may sound. But I don't really have a choice at this point.

I can't wait until I complete this self-attained mission, because after 250, I'm not giving myself a goal. Though I realistically think that 300 is possible this year, I'm not gonna stress about it. I've done a hell of a lot more hiking and seeking and finding then I ever thought I would back in March. This is supposed to be a hobby. It's not a competition. I don't win a prize of any sort for my efforts. Though I'll probably buy a custom geocoin stating my 250th cache find.

I don't really care if Mr. Secret Geocaching Nemesis passes me at this point. It's not gonna happen (hehe), but if by some fluke it does, kudos to him.

It's not about numbers, really. I'd much rather spend an hour hiking to a summit or nearly shitting myself to find a cache than to find nine caches on a piece-of-shit trail with no views whatsoever. Any douchebag can hide a cache anywhere. I'd rather put in a little work in finding my caches. Significantly more rewarding. Tuesday Funnies

I have a Labrador retriever.

I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

Here's your sign. I like flannel.

Ray: Life sucks
Me: winter sucks
Me: fall might as well suck, too, since it's a precursor
Ray: Yeah
Me: though on the plus side, my flannel revolution has begun
Me: yay flannel
Ray: Uh?????
Ray: OH! Yeah
Me: now i fell like i should be playing with pearl jam
Me: or like an extra on Independence Day
Ray: LOL

Seriously, flannel is cool. It's worth the side effect of being called a hillbilly. Though I'd prefer something to the effect of being stuck in the early 90's alternative rock scene. Nevermind rocks! Don't call me at 1:30 in the morning.
Especially if I'm getting up at 4:45 in the morning.

There are very few people -- and they know who they are -- who I'm willing to let disturb my deep slumber. And they better have a damn good reason if they do. But if you do it and you're not on "the list," you and I are not gonna have a good time.

Bonus points if you call drunk, too. I really like that. (/sarcasm)

Jerk. More games
Five-person three-word game. Kinda dated. Came out ok, though.

Whilest one prepares the stool sample for scientific evaluation, [one writer] eats some in one big manly helping, and puts the rest in his canoe with the snakes and the rubber floating coffin. It might serve a purpose after [the writer] dies a miserable death floundering like [a coworker's fish] did in September of that year. He took the oar and bashed it through [another writer's] glasses, forcing pressurized eye goo to seep into his nasal passages and explode like a small child microwaved too long. It was awful. The humanity of it didn't dwarf the events that took place last week, when the stingray pierced the flesh of the greatest known human being to exclaim "Crikey," Steve Irwin. In death, the CrocHunter will be proclaimed as having had a full life of thrills and a blimey good way of giving THE THUMBS UP.