Local news!
I don't recall the last time I posted a news link of some sort. Hmm. Anyway:

* An ex-con on a stolen bulldozer repeatedly rammed the police station in Troy, NH last night. That's about 10-15 minutes from where I live. Epic!

* Apparently Keene is having a skunk population boom. Beats me. I haven't really been paying attention to roadkill as I pass it.

* I don't have apartment mates living next to me. They vacated last week. Those of you who want to live next to someone as awesome as me better act fast! It's a two-bedroom apartment of some sort, I believe. Don't fucking come to my door knocking for money; I'll boot you in the head. Hotmail spam is awesome!
I'm not sure why I even bother checking my email in my hotmail account. It's all junk all the time. I get all sorts of crazy shit, but I usually just delete them outright instead of opening it. For some reason, I decided to look at some and came across this awesome gem:



Wicked. I'm sure losing 20 pounds through my asshole is healthy.

I wonder if they make a similar product but for bullshit. They could make a fortune on some of the insecure, chronic liars I know. Tuesday Funnies

I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny. "None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

Had to check the archives to make sure I didn't post this one once before. It's old as dirt, but still amusing. "Team Tastycakes" is what I'm going with.

Me: did some fantasy football drafting yesterday... here's to hoping [Larry Johnson] and [Edgerrin James] carry me to a championship
Ray: Ditto
Me: i picked 2nd of 10 teams... i debated on LJ and steven jackson forever
Me: jackson seems to appear as the #2 pick on almost every "cheat sheet" out there
Me: but i went with LJ instead
Ray: They'll run his legs off
Me: probably
Me: hehe
Me: should get his backup too just in case
Ray: Good point
Me: my WR's are ok.... Holt, Wayne, Colston
Me: went for QB's last of all the teams... we start 2.... I got Ben R and Favre
Me: meh

Sometimes, I find it easier to just cut and paste conversations than to write it all out again for myself.

So yeah, I got a hold of people at my former place of full time employment and they were in fact planning another fantasy football outing. I went up to one of the guys's house yesterday morning, and once a few other people showed up, we got to business.

There's not much to report. I don't feel as confident on winning the whole thing again with what I have. It would have been cool if we kept the teams from last year, because three of my players I had last year were gone by the end of Round 1, and another guy disappeared before it got back to me in Round 2. My team was ridiculously sick last year. :) This year, I'm kinda taking some gambles. We'll see what happens.

For those who care, I rounded off with Gonzalez in the TE spot, some kickers, and Miami's defense. We also have a WR/RB utility position, that of which is being filled by Jamal Lewis for the time being. Among my bench players, the most notable are Byron Leftwich, Ahman Green, and Warrick Dunn.

No one tried to be funny and go for Michael Vick until the last round. Go figure. There are a couple fantasy teams named after him, though: The Atlanta Pitbulls and The Bad News Kennels. Wicked. Forever young
It has been suggested to me that the reason I still get carded for alcohol despite being 28 is that no woman has succeeded at beating me down and sucking out my will to live. Fun fact Thursday... posted on Friday.
An email thread. Fun facts stolen from a broadcast of Opie and Anthony.

Me: A house fly buzzes in the key of F.
Sean: Does it? (2 hours later)
Matt: And Elvis had a still born brother
Sean: Jerome........did you say it was a twin brother?
Matt: Sry, twin brother, credit Jerome for that find.
Sean: Identical or fraternal?
Me: i don't know. ask him.
Matt: No, ask J-rock, I stole it from him.
Me: No, I mean ask the stillborn.
Matt: LOOOLLLLLLL!!1
Sean: Lolz @ the stillborn. I wonder if they named it. If they named one "Elvis" I wonder how stupid the other name was.
Me: I would have named it RODFL.
Me: Rolling on the doctor's floor...
Sean: LOLZ!!! That's great!

We're going to hell.

In case you're curious, not only do we try and find clever ways to spell "LOL," we actually say it (and many other acronyms) in spoken form. Yes, we are in fact that awesome. lulz. Tuesday Funnies

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a month or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much smarter than men.

In case you wanted something with a little more balls, you can check out Louis CK's video about the Catholic Church. It's great from beginning to end. Not safe for work. Harsh language.

If that was too extreme (wuss), here's a funny 911 call video Louis did as well. He's a silly bitch! Two birdies, some number of pars
Rock!

I'm starting to rule the Tully Dam disc golf course, though I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing different in my game to make it so. Perhaps it's just familiarity with the course? Or the clearing of troublesome trees? I don't know.

Like I mentioned below, I decided to disc golf by myself after I was sick of caching. I did pretty well on my own, and I was even able to get a few throws to go perfectly straight. Funny thing is, I wasn't expecting them to go through the air like that, so those straight shots weren't necessarily good shots, position-wise. :) Whatever.

When I got to the 9th tee, I was joined by a stranger named John, and he and I played the remainder of the course. He's fairly decent, throwing primarily forehanded. I matched him on most baskets and was one throw behind on the others. I didn't hit him up for tips, as he didn't seem to shut up about each and every basket we played, but that's ok. It was kinda neat to have unexpected company.

I did learn, though, that they have organized play at the dam each Wednesday night at 5:45. A bunch of people get together and play doubles or triples or throw from the best disc type of stuff. That sounds like a lot of fun. I'd like to meet more people that do this and schedule a regular playing time, as I've only gone twice this year thus far with my fellow comrade, and that's not enough to quench my thirst to frolf. Maybe he'd be like to get in on it, too... I'll have to let him know, eh?

There's a tournament at Barre Falls we'll be going to two weekends from now. Should be epic. Disqualified!
Yeah, that's right. I ain't scared to enter the ring with a foreign object and clean house. Or something.

Actually, I disqualified myself when I didn't submit my scorecard after I was done geocaching on Saturday as part of The Great Northern Tier Geocaching Tournament. We'll get into that later.

I showed up at Wendell State Forest early Saturday morning for some sweet GPS-and-tupperware action. About 150-200 people were there of all ages with almost as many women as there were men. I registered my team name as The Razzle Dazzle Variety Hour, which some people seemed to have found funny, though I doubt they get the reference. That's ok. I'll let it slide.

When the booklets were handed out, I went back to my car and tried to plot a course through the state forest. There were a number of caches here, as well as plenty placed in the area from last year. I found a couple of the new ones, and when I realized I wasn't going to FTF anything this time around, I broke off from trying to find as many tournament caches as I could and concentrated on just emptying out the state forest as best as I could. I did ok, clearing out almost everything on the southern end of the park. However, as I tried to clear out the north end of the park, I got frustrated. I couldn't figure out how to get to some caches, and I took my poor Ford Focus down some horrible roads in hopes of finding anything that resembled a parking area. I'm surprised my car is still in one piece. Seriously. I'm concerned for its longevity after this weekend.

Anyhoo, I failed to find a spot to park to find the northern caches, and I only found one cache there. There are still about a dozen for me to hunt down.

Like the last tourney I went to, I was given just a booklet with coordinates. I didn't have a map this time around, but I was able to snag one from one of the booths on site that was peddling various geocaching-related wares. The caches this time weren't as insanely spread out, but not knowing the road system of the area too well, I settled for just doing the Wendell caches and I went home. I didn't bother turning in my scorecard for the day because I didn't stand a chance of winning (I only found five tournament caches). I also wasn't looking to come back to the area Sunday, so I didn't want to have to come back to pick up my scorecard. That's grounds for disqualification from the tournament. That's fine by me; my odds were slim and I wasn't concentrating on just finding tournament caches anyway.

My day was cut short Saturday because I was getting very pissed at the lack of parking on the north end of the park. I also got a splinter in the most inconvenient spot on my right palm, and I didn't have the tools with me to take care of it. So I went home early. There I could take care of it and use Google Maps to figure out where the hell the non-Wendell caches were located.

Sunday, I just focused on finding the caches in Athol, MA. There, I ran into a bunch of cachers, including someone who still knew my name from the prior tournament, as well as a fellow Keene resident whose name pops up a lot when I'm trolling for local caches. It feels sometimes that he and I are racing for FTF's in Keene. :) Fun times.

After doing a small cluster of caches, I went up Tully Mountain to clear out the tournament caches they placed there, and then I went to Tully Dam and disc golfed for the next couple hours. I had my fill of caching for this weekend, even though my total number fun wasn't incredibly impressive: 18, 19 if you include the event itself. 13 were tournament-related.

I'll save the other caches, like the billion they put in Orange, MA, for another time. I could do a sweet numbers run there come Labor Day weekend, if not sooner. 380cc's of pure demonic power
Went golfing yesterday after work. It's about time. It's only been three months since we last went. I forgot why the hell I bought clubs in the first place. Anyway...

Hopefully Sean will post those videos on YouTube quickly. I doubt it, though, because he's a son of a bitch and he still hasn't put up all of the clips from our May 15th outing. Fuck, he just put the first one up three weeks ago. That may be a blessing in disguise, though, as "part 2" needs to be cut into smaller parts, and that's where you can see me fail at hitting the ball repeatedly. I cringe watching it, though I do make some funny one-line comments throughout the whole thing.

Since then, I've gone to the driving range three times (twice in one day). Golfing last night at MCC, I seem to have gotten better with making some consistent contact. Still gotta work on the distance, though. But the video clips, should they ever get uploaded, show me playing more awesome than the other guys! :) Wicked fuckin' hard.

Geocaching tourney tomorrow. No drinking tonight! I need to get my shit together. Later. Give me your money.
We're going into fantasy football season. I haven't heard shit from anyone. Well, one guy wants to get me into his league, but I don't like his league. I was in it two years ago, and people were quitting halfway through the season or not changing their lineups each week and since there was no money in the pot, there was no incentive to keep them in the game. I'd like to avoid this league at all costs, but since I haven't heard anything from anyone else, I'm getting a little scared.

The people at the place I once worked full-time at are now spread out over several stores, and even states! Getting everyone together could be a logistical nightmare given that we're going into the second week of preseason football. We're running out of time! Unfortunately, I haven't heard anything about this league (yet another reason to sign up to MySpace?). I really hope it comes to fruition because I'd really like to win another $350. :) Daddy could use a sweet receiver to go with the speakers I bought with the money last year!

I got away with some ridiculous players last year. Somehow, I don't think I'm gonna walk away with Willie Parker as the 23rd pick overall or Joseph Addai late in the 5th or 6th round again. :) Ten years already? Wow!
Rumor has it that there will be a ten-year high school reunion for my graduating class in a few weeks. I don't know the date exactly. But I didn't receive any sort of notice, just word-of-mouth from someone else. "You'd know if you were on MySpace," he'd say. Whatever. From what I understand, it's more like "MySpam" than anything else. I'm not a big fan of doing something that "everyone else is doing;" but I'm sure I'll sign up at some point, if for no reason, to find out what the hell is going on with this reunion thing. Not many of my classmates are using MySpace, anyway. But I digress.

I'm curious how many people are actually going to show up to this. How many of us are still local to New Hampshire? Of those people, who cares enough to find out how their fellow classmates are doing? Who is going to be there, anyway?

My class graduated with 68 students. Assuming two-thirds of them show up for this (I suspect the actual number will be less than this), and two-thirds of those people will bring a spouse or significant other with them, we're looking at a group of 45 classmates with 30 dates. A crew of 75. Not incredibly impressive no matter how you spin it.

Hmm.

The thought that it's been ten years since high school doesn't exactly weird me out. What does weird me out, though, is that I've known my boys from college for that long as well. Holy shit! Ten years since Cary Hall? That's intense! It's hard to wrap my head around. Got you where I want you.
I get these really tiny flies that like to hang out by my bathroom sink. I'm not entirely sure what type they are... they kinda look like two wings attached to six legs with no real body to speak of. They're about the size of an air pocket in bubble wrap. Anyway, I had this one fly that was on a spot on the wall when I got up this morning, and when I came back from work, it was still in the exact same spot.

The common house fly lives 15-25 days. Assuming that fly will live just as long and it spent 12 hours on the same spot on the wall near my sink, that thing just went through 3% of its lifespan perched on the off-white crappiness that is my bathroom wall. That's like a human not moving from a spot for two years.

What's so fucking exciting about my bathroom walls, anyway? It's not a source of food or water for anything. The bathroom walls of some of my college apartments were good for growing mold. We didn't have flies, though.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. I'll shut up.

Award yourself some style points if you get the title reference. Tuesday Funnies

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Yer Dad home?" the rancher asked.

'No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the rancher, "is yer Mom here?"

"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"He went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad."

"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar, but, I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."

Another week in review
Or at least the parts worth mentioning. No day-by-day breakdowns this time through.

I kinda forgot to mention a while ago that I didn't get the job I interviewed for. They never told me that I didn't get it, but since it's been about four or five weeks since then and neither I nor they followed up on it, it's safe to say that I didn't get it. The position is still open on the website, too, so it's not like I was passed over for someone better. That's fine. I'm too rusty to take that job right now.

T'was a big week for my department. The vendors we deal with on a daily basis all came up for their "yearly reviews" and for an outing we host each summer. Some of us had dinner with one company on Tuesday night, and then the big dinner everyone attended was Wednesday night.

No one is getting laid off in my department, despite the recent news. My manager has been staying ahead of the curve with head counts and whatnot, so it's a non-issue. That's somewhat of a relief, though I would like to see some people go away anyway. ;p

I was at the (same) bar Friday from happy hour until closing time. Seven hours. Wow. Only had four drinks, too, plus water. I played pool 'til about 9:00 with one lady friend, stuck around to watch the Patriots preseason game, then met up with another lady friend shortly thereafter and danced the night away. Big pimpin. I also had a third invite with a third friend, but alas, he doesn't drink nor is he a chick, so he lost out. ;) Funny how shit works where everyone and their mother will want to do something with me one night, but then I hear nothing but crickets for days on end. Whatever.

I really want to disc golf some more. Would be nice if there was a course closer than Tully Dam. Apathetic with nature
Since getting #500, I haven't really made any effort to find a slew of caches. Maybe it's because I don't have a well-defined goal at this point, or maybe I'm "cached out," or maybe it has to do with the fact that I've cleared out just about every cache within a 30-minute-drive radius, but it feels more like a chore right now then it does a hobby. I don't know. I'm sure it's a temporary phase, though, as I still need something to do on my weekend afternoons when no one wants to do anything with me.

I had my first numbers run of sorts in four weeks today. I "only" found 11, though I've planned for more. I gave up early. Maybe it's because of my recent hiking attitude, but then again, geocaching in 88° sunny weather isn't exactly conducive to hiking for miles searching for tupperware.

The second geocaching tournament is next weekend, and I'm not even sure I want to go. I may just go for one of the two days. I don't know. It'd be nice to have someone to shoot the shit with all day while participating in it, since I don't really know anyone else there nor do I care enough to learn more about them. I'm such a shut-in like that.

Looks like there will be 100+ people, too. Not too shabby. I don't think I'm gonna have as much luck FTF-ing as last time. :)

I really hope they group their damn caches a little better, too. I don't know the area, and I'd rather hike instead of doing "park and grabs" all over the place.

On an unrelated note, they finally made a NH geocoin? Every state has had one (or more) for years! Great, another coin to burn my money on. :) Behold my vanity!
I had to wait at the post office for 20 minutes for them to find the package, but in the end, I'm happy.



In case you can't read it or want an explanation:

"7/29/2007" is written under "500 caches," which is the date I got the milestone.

Then there's my motherfuckin' name. I decided to go with that instead of my online handle, that way muggles can appreciate.

Under that, it says "Gap Mt," which is where I got #500.

Whee. Tuesday Funnies

Amy, a blonde Texas city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"

So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one... right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on..."

Git 'er done. Being sore
Apparently, I didn't spend too much time putting on sunblock yesterday morning, for I now have this awesome strip of redness across the top 1/4" of my forehead. There's no hiding it... I look so sexy.

My forearms have some color to them, but they don't look as bad. I think my neck is the same way.

It's funny, because I didn't really apply any more sunblock than when I go out frolicking in the woods. It's probably thanks to the tree cover. But this disc golf place we went to, especially for the front nine baskets, it's almost nothing but fields and the occasional water hazard. Enough to fuck my world up, I guess.

Oh well. Time heals all. 150-class Discraft, I hardly knew ye.
In the instance that my life somehow matters in how your life plays out and therefore you need to visit this site to see what I've been doing, this post is for you. Unfortunately, I don't really know what I did yesterday, let alone most of the passing week. Sorry to disappoint.

Wednesday night golfing didn't go according to plan. It turned out to be a league night where we wanted to play and no one bothered to check in advance. So we drove from Peterborough back to Keene and just whacked some balls at the driving range up here. Fun times. I further concluded that longer tees make me a more successful driver, though I'm still only hitting it about 75-150 yards out. Better than the 20 yards I used to get per swing (if that)!

I don't remember Thursday. I think I stayed home and watched 300 on my fabulous TV that I won't stop bragging about. I don't own that many nice things, so I gotta milk what I've got. :)

At work on Friday, we had a "state of the union" meeting where the owner of the company and senior management pretty much told us that they're gonna have to lay some people off. They didn't say how many or in what departments, but I'm not concerned about losing my job. I'm one of the better ones in my department and there are plenty of others that lack a work ethic that should get the boot first. Though it is unclear if they're gonna be looking to get rid of the "line level" people, or those in management positions, or both. I guess we'll find out when people will be asked to leave 30-45 days from now.

A similar thing happened at my former full-time job (twice): the company isn't able to expand without retooling its inner workings first. No one got fired, though. Some went from management down to "line level," however. Whatever.

Drank a lot and played plenty of pool Friday night with a friend. Woo.

I don't think I did anything Saturday. I wanted to go geocaching in Milford, but I got up late and ended up not doing anything at all. Eventually, I found a couple caches in Chesterfield, but nothing to write home about.

Oh, speaking of home, I did have to make a trip to my mother's to verify that her computer monitor was indeed dead. It was. Kind of a waste of gas, but I scored a free dinner out of it, so...

Now it's Sunday. Mr. Mitchell and myself went to Barre Falls to try out a different 18-basket disc golf course. It was quite a ways further than the Tully Dam one we go to, but we wanted a change in scenery. The course is a lot more open at Barre Falls. Not that many trees to get in your way. There is a lot of brush, though, and both Chris and I lost a disc in it. I lost my freebie one, the only one I could throw straight (figures). Chris lost a very good driver, but would later find another disc in the brush to make up for it.

It being a new course, I didn't do as well as I did the last time we played. I got three pars in a row and not much else. I think Mitchell won by about four throws all together. Ass! That's alright, I'll get my revenge sooner or later.

There's a disc golf tournament being held at Barre Falls on September 1. We're thinking of going. I'm not really looking to compete, as it turns out I suck ass here, but it'd be nice to come across some better players that could give us some tips to help improve our game. I, for one, would love to learn how to throw these damn things straight!