PayPal is for queers
Sister company of eBay, which is also queer. The two combine to be super queer.

I sold off my first item in a couple years recently. The guy who won my auction didn't listen to my rules, one of which is that I cannot accept credit card payments. I didn't have a PayPal business account. However, PayPal didn't give me the option to deny such a payment. It used to. Now, the "deny" button is grayed out. I had no option but to accept the payment by upgrading my account. One would think that because I upgraded the account so I could take credit payments, I would be charged the upgraded (business) account fees. Such is not the case. I had to pay the higher, non-business fees.

Even worse, the guy who won my auction didn't have the option to cancel his payment (or so he claimed). So, he couldn't get his money back and I was being emailed daily by PayPal to accept the payment without the option to deny it. How fucking gay is that? What a bullshit company eBay/PayPal have become.

For now on, it looks like I'll only accept money orders and cashier's checks. It'll take longer to actually get paid, but at least I'm not getting rammed up the ass with fees. Maybe I should consider other outlets to pawn off my shit, like craigslist.

Speaking of fees, eBay is upping their rates again. Somehow, they think that by saving me a nickel on putting an auction up, they can then get another 3.5% of my final auction price. Yeah, that sounds like a fair deal. Fuckers. Factor in any PayPal fun and I could be losing 10-15% of any given auction.

And people wonder why some people charge ridiculous shipping and handling fees. Tuesday Funnies

DEAF SEX

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since
they can't see each other signing, or lips to lip-read. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.

She writes, "Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left
breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times."

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.

It's not about the numbers

Stats for Max Jerome

Total: 670 finds

Total days since first find: 2412

Overall find rate: 0.28/day, 1.94/week

Total days with a find: 159 (Every 15.2 days or 6.6% of your total days)

Average finds per caching day: 4.21

Best day: 6/23/07 - 22 finds

Most consecutive days with a find: 5 from 7/21/07 to 7/25/07

Longest caching drought: 766 days from 6/22/01 to 7/27/03

Average physical cache difficulty: 1.77 (out of 5)
Average physical terrain rating: 2.02 (Traditional, Multi, Unknown, Project APE, Letterbox)

Approximate cache-to-cache distance: 5380.76 miles (8659.5 kilometres) (Excludes locationless and known traveling caches)

Active caches: 619 of the caches you've found are still active (92.4%)

Based on your overall rate of 0.28 finds per day, you'll find number 700 around 5/13/08 and the big 1,000 around 4/19/11. However, over the past few months, your find rate has only been 0.16 finds per day. Based on that, you'll find number 700 around 8/01/08 and your 1,000th around 9/19/13.

lol. The cache-to-cache distance thing is cool to know, but the predictions on my milestones are completely laughable.

Finding my first cache in 2001 and my second cache late in 2003 really skewed my numbers. I'm at 670 find right now, and I won't get my 700th until August? It's going to be 5 1/2 years until the big 1,000? Ha!

I did my own number crunching, and if I only take into account the finds I've made in 2006 and onwards, they would look a little like this:

Overall find rate: 0.92/day, 6.43/week

Total days with a find: 136 (Every 5.1 days or 19.8% of your total days)

Average finds per caching day: 4.65

Based on your retarded obsession to find plastic sports bottles in hollow trees, you'll find number 700 some time during your trip to Virginia Beach and your 1,000th cache probably late into this coming summer. It depends how hardcore you want to get, though, because you fucking owned everything within a 30-minute drive of Keene. Good job.

On paper, getting to #1,000 should be easy enough for me. But I am having to travel further and further away to find some. I don't think I will find as many as I did last year (388), but 330 should be doable, especially if my trip to VA should net me anywhere from 50 to perhaps 100. Maybe 150 if I really go balls out. But I want to other things when I'm there, too, so we'll see.

Though I want to hit #1,000 this year, I think I would rather scale some mountains and only find a cache or two on the way up than to drive around Nashua and find 20+ in an afternoon. Quality over quantity. Mount Monadnock has new caches and a couple other nearby peaks demand my attention. And Ascutney is begging me to give it a backhanded pimp slap and tell it how much of a dirty whore it is. Or something.

Caches found by state:
NH (468)
MA (182)
VT (20)

A breakdown by county

No real surprises there. Hopefully, I can make the map a little more colorful this year. The "downfall" of the Cowboys
Edit (1/30/08): original video has been pulled. Try this link instead.

Thanks, Razor. Life
I'm not really sure what to say right now. I've actually been busy. But at the same time, I don't really want to see back-to-back "Tuesday Funnies" posts, so I'm almost forced to say something about anything.

Work this past week was pretty stressful. I was so busy (and angry) one day that I probably would have thrown up if I didn't get up and walk around outside.

One of my better friends is essentially homeless, and it bothers me greatly that there isn't much I can do about it.

My mother is getting a hip replacement some time in February. I read the pamphlet about it, and it freaked me out. I hope I never have to get anything replaced! Also, she's self-employed, and I wonder what she's gonna do for money if she has to be sidelined for a while.

I'm taking a long weekend about five weeks from now to drive down to Virginia Beach and tear it up. If people want to come with me, so be it, but so far it's just me. I got the hotel booked and the vacation time to burn.

I really want to travel more. I don't think I've gone anywhere "far away" since spring break. That sucks.

I don't think I've ever used a vacation day in any job I've ever had. I've only taken one sick day in the last three years, and the last time I remember taking scheduled "time off" was two years ago. But now that the company I work for won't pay you for unused sick time at the end of each year anymore, I think I'm gonna be taking a lot more "mental health days" to do some geocaching. :)

I really find myself wanting to run around and accomplish all sorts of shit before I turn 30, as if I was having an early-life crisis. On one hand, I don't feel like I've made anything of myself so far in life. But at the same time, I really shouldn't sweat it because I (should) have so many more years remaing in my life. I blame this on my Saturn Return.

Fun related fact: No Doubt's album Return of Saturn was named so because Gwen Stefani was turning 29. That's right. Stick with me and I'll teach you shit.

I wonder how much it would cost to procure land in or around Keene and build a disc golf course on it.

I came upon a realization recently that I need something to "protect" at all times. Not necessarily something to "save," however. Prior experiences dictate that me trying to "save" anything (other than money ;p) is typically a downward spiral. And I have no desire to control, which kinda makes me act more like a shield than a suit of armor. Or something. While awfully vague as written here, it was quite the lesson learned in self-actualization once I discovered it.

Actually, no it wasn't. I've often behaved as if a shield, but the feeling to "protect" something -- anything, really -- at all times is the latest insight. Tuesday Funnies

Golf

Two old folks got married. As they were laying in their wedding suite, staring at the ceiling, the old man says, "I haven't been completely honest with you. I think the world of you, but you are only number two to me. Golf is my first love. It's my hobby, my passion, my first love."

They both stare at the ceiling for a bit then the woman said, "While we're baring our souls, I guess I better tell you that I've been a hooker all my life."

The man jumps out of bed, looks at her a moment then says, "Have you tried widening your stance and adjusting your grip?"

Bah, summer jokes during the winter make me emo. "Don't be sore."
I'm very sore today. Yesterday, we had some sort of party at the nearby bowling alley to celebrate our numbers for the past fiscal quarter or something. So we all went bowling. It was during the work day, and we were getting paid for it. Because of that, about half of the people didn't even show up for bowling. They were celebrating the weekend early, I guess. But anyway, though we were assigned teams to play on, we pretty much consolidated the lanes and made our own teams. No one on swhorfe's team showed up, so he and I claimed our own lane and played five games in about 90 minutes. He beat me, 4-1. What do you want, I grew up on candlepin. :)

Because not enough drinking was done at the bowling alley, a group of us did some bar hopping the rest of the night. Whee.

So yeah, I woke up this morning sore. I'm still sore now, actually. The side of my thumb. My shoulders. My left ass cheek. The right side of my lower back. Pretty much everything I used during bowling. 90 minutes of 2-person bowling will do that to you, I guess. I need to get my upper body reconditioned now that I don't unload trucks and stock shelves for a living. Sigh.

I spent a good chunk of today just solving "puzzle caches," which are geocaches that require some work or solving a puzzle (go figure) to find the true coordinates of. On the ones I successfully tackled today, I had to learn about tap codes, wind talking, and other cyphers, as well as ASL, random facts about Thailand (which is always a scary thing to learn about), and some other uselessness. I've come to the conclusion that this is a good way for me to just kill time on an otherwise boring Saturday afternoon until it warms up and I can go play in the woods for hours on end once more. And once it's warm enough, I can go out and find them. And I'm learning in the process! The more you know, the more you grow! Or something.

Keeping a low profile tonight. Maybe pop in a few movies. I can't handle much else. Who should you vote for in the primaries?
This poll will tell you.

I should be voting for Dennis Kucinich, but I don't agree with a single candidate as to how to handle Iraq or immigration.

Of the candidates that actually stand a chance of being president, Hillary barely edges out Obama in my poll results. Personally, I'm not impressed with either of them, though -- or anyone, for that matter -- so I have no idea what I'm going to do come November.

I learned of this poll from Opie and Anthony (NSFW version). See, they're educational, too! French lessons?

Ray: Hi, someone told me you could help with something.
Ray: Crap wrong window
Ray: Hey Dude. :D
Me: hehe
Me: could be worse, i guess
Me: at least you didn't solicit me for sex ;)
Ray: That was going to be the next question
Me: haha

Tuesday Funnies

TRUE LOVE?

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right af ter you savedhim. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Six down, 330 to go.
It's been very warm this past week, enough so that most of the snow has melted away. I seized the opportunity and geocached for a few hours.

I went to play along the bike trails and state parks in Gardner, MA today, finding tupperware containers, plastic water bottles, and ammo canisters along the way. I succeeded in finding six, along with a letterbox I accidentally stumbled over. It looks so much like a cache, I almost signed the log. The actual cache was like 15 feet away.

The bike trails and hiking trails were very icy and covered in snow. The woods along the side of these trails were, for the most part, clear and dry. Hmm. I didn't have to dig out any cache I found, though I did run into a few instances where it would have been nice if I didn't leave my winter gloves in the car.

It was nice to finally be able to get out and actually do something for once. Too bad that's all going to come to an end tonight when at least 6-12 inches of snow will get dumped here in the next 24 hours. A birthday in review
Work Friday was pretty decent. I got a cake and a card from people in my department Thursday and received a bunch of phone calls from people we do vendors (that somehow managed to learn it was my birthday) wishing me a good one. Good times.

I didn't make a fool of myself that night, unlike last year. Brown took me out for pool and drinks, but she wasn't feeling well after one drink and a burger. So the night wasn't as long as it usually is. I took some videos, but they kinda suck and I don't thing Brownie wants them made public. :)

I did field a bunch of phone calls while getting liquored up, though, from relatives wishing me a happy birthday. Whee.

I think a bunch of my coworkers and I are gonna do drinks next Friday. It's unclear if it's to celebrate my birthday or just a general get-together. Doesn't really matter to me; I'll be out playing pool and eating wings with Brown regardless if they want to show up or not. :)

I saw my mom this afternoon. I scored some flannel sheets and a pot roast dinner. Yum. I also picked up a gift I got myself, an 8GB SDHC card for my new camera that I bought for a mere $35 on Newegg! And it works with my SD card reader! I can take over 65 minutes of video at 640x480 and 30fps. That's borderline repulsive.

I was hoping to see my dearest Vikki tonight to celebrate my awesomeness, but she decided to injure herself on icy porch steps this past afternoon. We'll do breakfast tomorrow instead, and then she will probably have to go to the emergency room to get x-rays afterwards. Nice to see she has her priorities straight. :p

I got a card in the mail from my dad earlier in the week, and it had cash in it. I'm kinda curious as to when this whole "money in the birthday card" thing is going to stop. I'm 29, for crying out loud. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but it seems a little weird that I'm still receiving these sorts of gifts even though I've been pretty well off financially for the last few years. And I'm almost 30. I would have thought this would have stopped at 18 or 21 or whenever I graduated college. Maybe it's because I don't have kids for my parents to spoil instead? I'll have to compare notes with my sister. eBay queerness
I have a bunch of gift cards I'm looking to pawn off. Some of them I managed to buy for half their value, and since Peru never happened, I don't need to have as many EMS or Dick's gift cards as I once thought.

However, eBay would keep deleting all of my auctions without telling me or sending me an email why. After a couple days of this, I did a little homework and it turns out you can only sell one gift card on their site at a time:

Gift Cards Policy

eBay permits the listing of gift cards, with the following restrictions:

* The value of the gift card may not exceed $500.
* Gift cards may not be sold as pre-sale items and must be in hand at the time of listing.
* Only one gift card may be listed per week, per seller. No exceptions will be made for sellers with multiple accounts. For the purposes of this policy, eBay defines one week as seven days from the end of the previous Gift Card listing close.
* Multiple Gift Cards cannot be combined under a single listing

eBay, at its discretion, may approve 1st party suppliers, or authorized 3rd party contractors, to sell gift cards in excess of these restrictions.

Violations of this policy may result in a range of actions, including:

* Listing cancellation
* Limits on account privileges
* Account suspension
* Forfeit of eBay fees on cancelled listings
* Loss of PowerSeller status

Why does eBay have this policy?

eBay understands that from time to time members may have gift cards they may not wish to use and would prefer instead to list them on eBay. The restrictions to the value and the frequency of gift card sale are in place to promote a safer marketplace for all eBay members.

Would have been nice if they emailed me when they were pulling my auctions.

I don't understand how this restriction makes a "safer" marketplace. Am I missing something big here?

Whatever. I'll sell one a week. I only have three I'm looking to part with, for God's sake. Happy Birthday to me!
Yay me! Virginia is for lovers (of the woods)
Speaking of somewhere warm, for a better part of the past weekend as well as earlier this week, I spent several hours figuring out where I can go that is far away from where I am and not have to burn a week's worth of vacation time to enjoy myself. Also, I want to plan to go alone, because trying to work around other people's schedules around here is a pain in the ass and when I want to escape, I don't want to be held back.

I have nothing to do in the winter except drink and play pool, and though both are fun, it can get pretty lonely and depressing for me. The real problem is that I have no winter hobbies. Though some geocaches can be found in the winter if they happen to be tied to a tree branch or whatever, there aren't enough of those anywhere close by for me to feel like I'm wasting a ton of gas just to up my total finds by two.

I considered Myrtle Beach, SC for a short time. I wouldn't mind doing a little golf down there. But since I'm just looking to get away for an extended weekend, the drive is too long (~15 hours) and it's not worth buying round-trip flight tickets.

Virginia Beach, VA, on the other hand, is about 10 or 11 hours away and far enough south that I would consider myself to be "away." The winter time isn't exactly the best time to be a tourist down there, and it's not significantly warmer. I'm sure the ocean is still too cold for swimming. But at least typically there isn't any snow down there, and that's good enough for me.

What Virginia Beach does have, however, is many many geocaches. :) If I were to go down there, I'd spend most of my time just looking for tupperware in the woods after finding all of the micros they have along the boardwalk. I bet I could easily get 50, maybe even close to 100 caches over a three- or four-day stay. There are also two disc golf courses nearby, and I would love to check those out and find the geocaches in those parks as well.

If the area turns out to beautiful, I can always burn some vacation time and go back in the summer to hang out on the beach, eat at the fine restaurants, and do all of that touristy stuff. Right now, I just want to get away from the cold and the snow. And it's about as far north as I'd be willing to go and still feel like I'm away from everything.

This kinda feels like it's just the tip of the iceberg... Am I having my mid-life crisis early? Tomorrow's the day.

From: Jason
Sent: Thursday, January 10, 2008 3:37 PM
To: Grondin, Jerome
Subject: Happy birthday!

Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you cant control it.
Forget about the present, I didn't buy you one.

To: Jason
Subject: RE: Happy birthday!

Luckily, you have another day, because it's not until tomorrow. :D

For those of you still unsure what to get me, I could use gas cards, an HDMI-capable home theater receiver, speaker cables, GPS mapping software, a new cell phone, interior decorating, a 512MB GeForce 8800GT video card, flight tickets to somewhere warm, and/or hotel reservations to wherever that warm place is.

If those fail, I won't turn away bottles of liquor. Tuesday Funnies

INFREQUENTLY
An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally, they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.

"Well," she says, responding carefully, "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently."

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking over his glasses, he looked her in the eye casually asking, "Was that one word or two?"

A SERVICE
A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community." The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 senators in front of the door.

If you need a Pasta Pro, you have some problems.
Just a couple "top ten" lists I came across the last few days. Well, technically, they aren't "top ten" lists, but lists of ten things. You knew what I meant. Anyway, I thought they were worth sharing:

* Ten Extraordinarily Peculiar eBay Purchases: I think I missed out on a ton of cash by not setting aside some Pope hat Doritos over the years.

* As Seen on TV: The 10 Most Laughably Misleading Ads: You can probably name half of them before reading the article. I really want an "Easy Toothbrush," though. Circle goes with circle! How the hell did I get this?

What's blocked out is my street name.

I can't figure out how I ever got this envelope, as it doesn't list what number I'm at, or what apartment I live in. They had to write in the zip code! I guess the mailman knows who I am? Beats me; I don't usually get anything except solicitation and bills.

Perhaps they should have spent more time getting my address and less time figuring out what my middle name is. Or maybe even put their name on the envelope. Hmm.

So what was it and who was it from? A Christmas card (kinda) from a church, written and signed by people I don't even know, let alone ever met. I wonder if they have free pancakes.

Seven-year callbacks for the win? Party hats and party cake
I don't usually do anything on New Year's, but I had a couple last-second options I could take advantage of. And I did. Played some pool at the bar. Bailed when people started coming in droves. Grabbed the Ballatore from the fridge and drank it all at Brownie's building mates' place. Good times.

I never make new year resolutions. If I was to make one, it'd probably be to get more exercise, because I'm not doing anything to burn calories this winter. It's driving me nuts, in fact, that I'm cooped up indoors wasting away. Maybe I should take up skiing or snowboarding or something like that. Not particularly cheap hobbies, though. And I don't enjoy the cold that much. Maybe get a part-time job to pass the time? Hmm. Kinda works against why I quit my second job to being with, though: to establish a life.

Actually, for my new year resolution, I'm bringing sexy back. Stay tuned.

With New Year's out of the way, there is only one more holiday left to worry about in this string of holidays: my birthday. It's coming soon. Did you get my present yet? I'm hoping I can hold my liquor a little better this time. :) Tuesday Funnies

PREGNANT WOMEN

A gorgeous woman gets into a taxi. She says, "To the airport, please."

After a few minutes, the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says, "You're third pregnant woman I've driven to the airport today."

The woman, indignant, says, "You must be kidding. I'm not pregnant."

The taxi driver says, "Well, you haven't arrived at the airport yet, either."

ARGUMENT

A couple was driving down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."