Tuesday Funnies

The Audit

The IRS decides to audit Ed, and summons him to the IRS Office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ed shows Up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant Lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain By saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS Finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ed. "How About a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ed says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite My own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ed removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw Drops.

Ed says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I Can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ed isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ed removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost Three grand, with Ed's attorney as a witness. He starts To get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ed asks. "I'll bet you Six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your Desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, And never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks Carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage That stunt, so he agrees again.

Ed stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although He strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the Wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all Over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just Turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ed's attorney Moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ed Told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty Thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all Over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."

Funny, but I can't deal with the unncessary capitalizations. Too many for me to even bother fixing. I'm anal like that. It's not gay if it's domination.
Day 2 of geocaching in and around Rhode Island went better, though I don't see myself coming back any time soon. My cop experience flustered me. I'm still pissed about it. And when I was about to call it quits today, an angry old man tapped on my car window telling me to pick up this one square sheet of 1-ply toilet paper that fell out of my car. "No littering!"

I carry some with me sometimes for when I need to blow my nose.

I don't know where he came from, but I was at this dead end road doing some geocaching. When I was done, I took off my shoes and socks and put a fresh pair of both on. Then, I went to the front seat, where apparently I littered.

It looks like the guy lives in the house closest to the dead end. I don't know if he was out walking around or what, but I wonder if he was just watching me change while he pleasured himself from the inside of his house and when I got in the front seat, he hunted me down like I was making harassing phone calls to a bank worker. It was bullshit.

So I showed him the new finish on my tire iron. The police came and searched me. They found his asshole prints on my cock head.

Ok, so that last paragraph didn't happen, either. I got anger issues. I fucking hate Rhode Island.
Never been there. So I went this morning, and did some geocaching at the same time.

I needed to eat, and though McDonald's may not qualify as food to some, I found one in Seekonk, MA and was delighted. I pulled in, parked my car, and went inside to enjoy the goodness. Ate. Got back in my car. Started driving to my hotel.

I got to a red light and noticed a cop car behind me. Whatever.

The hotel is in back of Friendly's, so I pulled into Friendly's (go figure). The blue lights come on. What the hell? So I parked my car.

The officer asked for my license. I gave it to him, as well as my registration, though he didn't ask for it for some reason. Probably because he's an idiot.

Apparently, I was pulled over not for any sort of traffic violation, but because some bitch at Bank of America adjacent to the McDonald's I ate at was receiving harassing, stalker-like phone calls from "someone who could see her." My car was the only one in the area pointed towards the bank.

"Do you have a cell phone?"

"Yes."

"Did you make any phone calls recently?"

"No."

"So you didn't make any phone calls?"

I wasn't in my car in the parking lot of McDonald's long enough to make any calls. I told him that I had witnesses that will say I ordered and ate inside McDonald's.

"I'm not asking about that. Did or did you not make any phone calls to the bank next door?"

There's a bank next door?

"So if I trace your number, I'm not going to find any calls you made to that bank?"

Not only will you not find any calls made to that bank, you're not going to find any calls made in the last 24 hours.

"This is your last chance to fess up, or it could get a lot worse if it turns out you're lying."

Ooh! Are you going to break out the props?

I tell him my number, and then he wanted me to show him that it is in fact my cell number. He went back to his car. He came back a couple minutes later.

He wanted to know why I, being from NH, was in Seekonk, MA of all places on a Sunday night. I told him that I was just taking Monday off and I wanted to spend a long weekend in Rhode Island to do some hiking and find some geocaches in the woods.

"You expect me to believe that?"

Doesn't matter, but it happened to be the truth.

"What are you doing, pulling into Friendly's?"

Maybe I wanted to treat myself? Who gives a fuck.

"I'm going back to the hotel I'm staying at. It's right there." I point to it.

"What's in the ammo canister?" I forgot I had one in my car. Ammo canisters are popular containers to use for geocaches. You can find them all over eBay. I intend to hide it out in the woods for others to find once I stock it up full of useless crap.

"Well, I'm into this hobby called geocaching..."

"You better answer my question, Boy."

Attitude! What the fuck? "Ok... a notepad, a pencil, a sticker, maybe a ziploc bag..."

He went back to his car. It's not for at least another five minutes before he approaches me again.

"Do you have any other cell phones on you?"

"No."

"None?"

Did I stutter?

"You sure?"

"Yeah, pretty sure."

"Do you have any weapons on you?"

"No."

"No knives, guns, or anything?"

Thanks, I didn't know what the definition of "weapon" was, shitdick.

"And you don't have another cell phone on you?"

"No, I do not."

He leaves, comes back several minutes later, and I learn that my phone came out clean. Go figure. If I was gonna harass a bitch, don't you think I'd do it somewhere where I'm not roaming at 69 cents a minute?

"Sir, please step out of the vehicle."

"Excuse me?"

I do so, hand him my keys, and he frisked my body. Wasn't expecting that. He told me to stand by his patrol car. He then searched my front seats looking for other cell phones and weapons before telling me that I'm in the clear.

"Sorry about that, but it's very suspicious that [blah blah blah]."

Go fuck yourself.

"You just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time."

Was I?

Eventually, he gives me back my keys and drives off. With my license and registration. Luckily, he was just pulling a U-turn at the hotel I was staying at, so I flagged him down and got my shit back.

Then, I took the hammer I had in my car and drove it right through his eye sockets. I then skullfucked him. I tore off his head, went to the bank the dumb twat was working in, and threw it through the glass to get her attention. Using my cell phone as a switchblade -- it is a weapon, after all -- I cornered the bitch and pinksocked her into an oblivion. I figured it was only fair since I was being treated as if I was guilty and I lost about an hour's time because of it.

Ok, so the last paragraph didn't happen, but it would have been hilarious if it did. Irony! At least there's still free pool.
Rock Band isn't set up during Saturday happy hour. That makes me sad. Ace of Base
Though playing free pool during happy hour is fun, they also have Rock Band set up for free play during happy hour, too. Brown and I never bothered, though after they locked up the pool tables "early," we gave the game a spin.

We've never played before. It took like 15 minutes before I realized that in order to use the guitar, not only are you supposed to hold down the appropriate button(s), you're supposed to "strum," too. I got a lot better once we figured that out. I seem to do better as a bassist than a lead guitar for some reason, though both instruments play exactly the same way. I did one song flawlessly as a bassist!

Nicole rocked out on drums, and figured out how to use them almost immediately. Looks way more intense than playing either guitar part. Even on easy, she often had to hit three things at once. I guess that's why there are two drumsticks and a kick pedal. :p

Neither of us were brave enough to do vocals. I'm curious to see how that works. Surely, it can't be based on words, but perhaps one's pitch? There are videos on YouTube where you don't even hear the singer sing, so I wonder how they're scoring well. I guess the mic triples as a tambourine and cowbell? You just gotta hit those notes properly? I dunno. Whatever. Tuesday Funnies

Foreplay

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the missus felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?"

"I found the remote," he mumbled.

Basket #10 can still go to hell.
That one is still a bitch.

I was kinda expecting to spend the day eating pancakes and being on the road for five hours with dearest Vikki, but prior experiences with her tell me to never wait up because I'll end up wasting my day and being disappointed. So about an hour after I called to find out what was going on, I still hadn't heard anything, so I took off to find a few caches around Tully before playing the disc golf course there a little over 1 1/2 times. Worked out well, too, because she'd later call and cancel on me anyway. Somehow, I wasn't surprised.

It was the first time I've gone disc golfing this year. My game was a bit shady, but in hindsight, I don't think I played any better or worse than I typically do. There were a few tees where it seemed like I was reaching the baskets on less throws, so I don't know if I was throwing them harder and/or with better accuracy. It also looked like they may have cleared even more branches, if not whole trees. But it's hard to say. It's been a while. And the leaves are just starting to bud, giving me that much more air space to work with. :)

I think I've played enough here to know where I want the frisbee to go. The problem lies in execution (go figure). When I try to hook around some trees, I will usually hit them or hook around the wrong set of trees and end up somewhere I don't want to be. After a failed execution, I would throw a second -- sometimes, a third -- disc to see if I could hit the spot I was trying to hit. And I usually would, getting the result I was expecting. Now I just gotta make my muscles memorize the successful throws I want to make. :p

I forgot how much it can hurt the side of my middle finger after throwing a frisbee about 100 times. I need to get some tape, or my fingerless biking gloves I used to rock out with back in college.

I also got a light sunburn today. I'm pretty excited about that. Haven't had one of those since my trip to Virginia. Reunion
After spending the morning hitting a power trail of new and uninspiring caches in Concord (wow, I'm a mean one, ain't I?), I went to my old job to see what's been going on. I quit last Memorial Day, and I think I might have visited once around Christmas time, but I haven't been there since.

It was nice to see some familiar faces, though there are less and less people I recognize each time I visit. New displays and signage, including signs written in Spanish (wtf?), made me wonder if I even stepped into the right store to begin with.

I took one of my buddies out to lunch, then I hung around for a couple hours because I had nothing better to do. :) I bought a bag for my laptop, as I couldn't find one in Keene that was both cheap ($30) and would fit my new portable PC. I still need a mouse -- touchpads are queer -- but I know where I can get one in Keene for $15. But anyway, yeah, I kinda just hung around and talked to some of my peoples while waiting for others to show up to work.

People there tried to recruit me to work on truck nights. Again. :) I love truck nights. Unloading trucks and setting planograms were my favorite things to do there. Too bad the gig didn't pay.

I was hoping because I came in on a Saturday instead of a Sunday, I might see some people that I wouldn't necessarily see. And I did. But I was also hoping to see Andre, who is by far the best supervisor (and later, manager) I've ever had, but it turns out that he just had a hip replacement and won't be around for a few months. Boo.

I went to see my mom afterwards, and she was walking around without a cane. Not bad. She had her hip replacement about six weeks ago, so maybe I could see 'Dre at work sooner than later. He is the man, after all. It should not cost $40 to fill a Ford Focus. Ever.
Being cooped up all winter, plus the fact that I'm having an early life crisis, is making me want to travel all over New England to do the things I enjoy doing, and some new things as well. Geocaching is clearly my biggest time killer. Over the past month, I've been visiting locations that are further away from home knowing full well that gas prices typically sky rocket by the time Memorial Day gets here. I predicted $3.50 a gallon by then. So, as it gets closer to summer, I'll cache closer to Keene in a fruitless attempt to keep my costs down.

Problem is, we'll probably be over $3.50 a gallon before Memorial Day. There are gas stations in Keene right now at $3.429 a gallon. That really puts a damper as to how I want to do things.

Each time I go out for the weekend, I visit AAA's website (not to be confused with Mike McCutcheon... wow, that's a name I forgot) as well as gasbuddy.com to find out where along my route I will find the cheapest gas. I have to nowadays. Last weekend, when I played along Route 2 in Mass, I remember going into Greenfield and choosing not to fill up at $3.259 a gallon because "I can get it cheaper when I go see Mom next weekend." At the time, that was correct. When I got my laptop (April 10), I filled up at $3.139 a gallon. Today, ten days later, I cannot find gas cheaper than $3.369 a gallon. What the fuck happened? And to know New Hampshire has it cheap -- usually in the top 5 for states with the cheapest gas -- makes me wonder how I would make it if I lived anywhere else. Except Virginia Beach, of course. :) Oddly enough, VA Beach has the cheapest gas out of any US city: $3.295 a gallon right now. Just more incentive for me to move there.

I don't think I can have any less expensive hobbies: geocaching and disc golfing. Just need to pay for the gas to get to Tully or wherever the new tupperware is. I really would hate to be forced to stay in Keene just to cut costs.

Actually, the biggest problem is that I always do everything alone. I need someone else to join me to split the costs. I have no problem putting all of the mileage on my car if it means I can get gas for half price. And having another set of eyes to find camouflaged bison tubes tied to tree branches or being able to talk shit while hurling frisbees is always an added bonus.

At least my car is almost paid off. Three more payments to go. Whee. Then that extra $250 I'll have each month should buy me about a half a tank of gas by the end of the year. I predicted $4.00 a gallon by December, but at the current rate, who knows.

I don't own a credit card, but I'm thinking of getting one that will save me money at the pump. 5% cash back means 17 cents a gallon right now, and it'll only get higher.

Then again, why should I care about money this year? Being in an early life crisis makes me laugh at savings! No deathmatches this year.
I'm somewhat disappointed that it looks like there won't be any geocaching tournaments in Franklin County this year. I went to both of them last year, and they were a lot of fun. Supposedly, the reason for the lack of said events are because there is some sort of scheduling conflict, but most believe it has something to do with the fact that Groundspeak (the people behind geocaching.com) doesn't like corporate sponsorship. You can read the thread for yourself. It never felt like a corporate event either of the times I went last year. Sure, there were a couple "booths" at one and the booklet that had all of the caches' information had some local ads in them, but it was more to keep the costs down than anything else. Boo.

I guess since there won't be any nearby tournaments for me to attend, I may try going to one of the many repelling events they will be having in Connecticut and Southeast Massachusetts through most of the summer. I guess people are hiding caches on cliffsides, which makes for a different sort of challenge. Ain't scared. Tuesday Funnies

Taking a break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station.

An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is, "Top o' the mornin to ya."

As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.

"So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquires the Irishman. "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.

"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything."

A new record was set yesterday.
And because I don't want to reiterate what I already wrote, it's cut and paste time, with free links thrown in as an added bonus!

From: Whorfe, Sean
Sent: Monday, April 14, 2008 8:49 AM
To: Grondin, Jerome
Subject:

I've finally found what I want to do for a living but I have no direction to get started on. I want to raise abandoned grizzly cubs for the Canadian Government for the purpose of getting them back into the wild. I saw a documentary on a guy who does just this last night. Actually, it doesn't have to be grizzlies.......I'll take care of whatever they want me to if I get to work in that vast, beautiful, virgin landscape. I didn't catch exactly where they were I only know that in the winter he has to go to the city in which he lives cause the area gets a little too hardcore to be there by yourself. It is northern Canada after all. I don't care if they have me raising aardvarks. It looked so peaceful. Back to reality.........good weekend?

From: Grondin, Jerome
Sent: Monday, April 14, 2008 9:05 AM
To: Whorfe, Sean
Subject: RE:

There's lots of land up there in Canada. It's the second biggest country in the world, yet more people live in California than all of Canada. Though going up there and raising llamas would be fun (there actually is a llama farm off of the highway on my way to my dad's side of the family), it snows a hell of a lot more than it snows here. And it's a lot colder. I don't know how they deal with it. I know I couldn't. Though it would be neat to go geocaching with a team of huskies. WFH.

Speaking of caching, that's all I did on Sunday. Up at 7. In North Adams, MA (near the NY border), by 9. I cut a swath from there to Shelburne Falls, hitting everything I could on Route 2. I was in Florida at noon and it was snowing! Snowing! In Florida! Florida, MA, but whatever. It's the principle of the whole thing. Anyway, I set a new personal record with finds in a day: 23. Would have been at least 28 if I didn't DNF or if there was less snow in some spots. WFH.

WFH = wicked fekkin hard. It's one of the many things we say over here.

But yeah. Somehow I managed to score 23 caches yesterday. That makes me a superstar. "C-notes by the layers, true fuckin players"
My new laptop showed up at my mother's on Thursday. I went straight there after work to check it out. It's a lot bigger than I thought it would be, though it's not heavy or particularly cumbersome to carry around. I didn't fiddle around with it much then; just running Vista updates and whatnot until I felt I had to go back to my apartment in Keene.

It wouldn't be until this afternoon that I had a second opportunity to play with it. I still haven't done a hell of a lot with it, though. This laptop came with all sort of useless programs and bloatware for me to get rid of, so that's what I'm currently in the process of doing. While it installs and uninstalls a bunch of stuff, I thought it would be a good time to take some pretty pictures.

The keyboard has a very interesting layout. I have two different keys to make the Euro symbol (€), one below the right shift key and by pressing something in combination with the "5" key. I don't think this laptop is marketed for the "look at me, I'm traveling overseas and brokering important international trade agreements" type of people, so I find it to be an unexpected inclusion. There are also a butt load of buttons off to the left and to the right, the former being used as program and internet shortcuts while the latter can control whatever media is in the DVD burner. The "e" in the top right toggles some sort of Acer performance toolbar, and the top button on the right side is supposed to start the "Acer Arcade." In reality, the button doesn't seem to do anything. It might as well be another dummy button like they have at the bottom of the left side of extra buttons.

I also have a webcam, so now I can have "cam to cam" sex sessions with young, hot third-world girls with hairy backs. Also, I suspect I can create more stable porn using this instead of my digital camera, though it might be a little suspicious if I have this on top of the toilet outside some broad's shower. My Canon is much more suitable for voyeurism. Hmm.

Also, in the background of the pic, behold my awesome TV!

I was surprised to see that in the top left area of the keyboard, there's a Dolby Home Theater logo. Upon further inspection, I discovered a subwoofer on the bottom end of the laptop! I haven't had a chance to make it play something bassy yet, but I'm curious how well it can handle some Notorious B.I.G. and whatnot. My desktop speakers are kind of a joke for that purpose.

Though I haven't done much testing yet, I get the impression that this laptop performs well. Vista is quite the resource whore -- no surprise there -- using over 900MB of RAM at startup. Good thing I have 2GB's worth and can upgrade to a total of 4GB if need be. My Win2k setup is currently using 450MB and hasn't been shut off for months. I suspect if I restarted it, it will use about 250MB.

I did find one design flaw, and only because I watched this CNET video while looking for reviews on my laptop: using the USB port on the right side means I'm not using the DVD drive. How silly. I guess that means when I buy a mouse (not a big fan of the touchpad), I'll have to plug it into one of the left side USB's and run it around the back. Not a problem, really, but it is kinda silly.

More Acer 5920 pcitures can be found here, if you care.

Time to fiddle with the default settings some more. Later. Tuesday Funnies

One Wave

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

"Her Majesty" and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the senator says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."

The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slapped her.

Highlander
The town of Holyoke, MA not only invented volleyball (or so their signs tell me), but they also have this fancy shmancy park called Mount Tom State Reservation. It is here that I sought out many ammo canisters containing spiral-bound notebooks and worthless plastic toys.

The hiking was more intense than my runs through Connecticut, which don't really raise the bar anyway. There were a couple instances where I had to use my hands to scale up the rocks. I followed the ridgeline for quite a while, and could see hawks circling below me. It was pretty neat.

I suspect I'll be pretty sore tomorrow. Towards the end of the day, I wasn't winded, but my legs couldn't deal with any sort of incline. Not exactly the kind of shit I wanted to deal with when I was still an hour's hike from the car.

I found most of the caches (10), and if I got there a little earlier, I bet I could have found all 14 strewn across the park.

Pictures? They aren't that impressive:

* The Stone Crusher, pic 1
* The Stone Crusher, pic 2
* The Stone Crusher, pic 3
* The Stone Crusher, pic 4
* View of Easthampton, northwest
* View of Easthampton, west
* Basalt cliffsides

I should have taken Easthampton pics at even higher elevations (like where the basalt was), but I guess I'm dumb. Whatever. I'm getting a new toy.
Your mother isn't doing it for me anymore.

So I decided to impulse buy a laptop this morning. Well, maybe it wasn't an impulse buy, as I've been eyeing them since before my trip to Virginia, but I finally spotted one on sale that met my criteria.

Specs-wise, I wasn't really looking for much. A minimum of 2GB of RAM, a hard drive that spun at 5400 RPM, a 15.4" screen, and wireless networking. Anything else was gravy. I didn't really care about the CPU, DVD burning capabilities, or it having a built-in webcam (to make my own porn?). Such beastly machines typically run for a mere $500 to $750, often hovering in the $600 to $650 range. Mine was around $650 with shipping, and after using all of the gift cards I had kicking around, I had to pay $530 for it. Not too shabby.

I settled on an Acer Aspire AS5920-6914. Great price. Though I was actually looking to avoid getting one with an Intel CPU, I couldn't deny "upgrading" to a laptop with a T5450 in it. Most of them have the Celeron-like T2330 at this price point. Yuck. I suspect this laptop will serve me for years to come with specs like that. Appearance-wise, it's not spectacular, but who cares, really?

I question how much use I'm going to get out of this thing, as my desktop is more than capable of doing everything I need. But I figure it would be nice to have something for one of my early life crisis trips (more coming!), long distance caching runs, geocaching tournaments, and I guess for when I go see my mom and there's nothing on the tv worth watching. That does mean I should probably get the 120V outlet fixed in my car. I have a feeling that that will cost me a lot more than it's worth. I'll have to compare that to how much a spare battery will cost. I'd rather have a car adapter, though.

So that's my present for the year. I've spent my recession refund before I even got it. :) NH continues to suck
I tried to do some caching this morning, taking the long way to my mother's and hitting my unfound ones along the route. It didn't work out too well. There's still too much snow to do anything. I did find a couple, but I had to skip some others entirely because there still are snowbanks in front of some state parks' parking lots. I guess I could risk the fast Focus and see if I can clear the snow, but I had my doubts that I would be able to turn around and get out because of the ice covering the dirt lots. Boo. Looks like I'll have to still give it another week or two. It's getting obnoxious. At least I can head into Mass now without issues.

Not sure how my mom is making it. She got a hip replacement about a month ago, so she hasn't been able to work. I don't know what her yearly income is -- she ain't rich by any stretch of the imagination -- and she's been having to pay about $900 a month to heat her mansion of a house this winter, and the well pump decided to die ($1,500 minimum) a couple weeks ago. She doesn't have much left for funds. I'd really like to reallocate the money I've lent out to others, but it's hard to get paid back if the lenders are ignoring you at all costs. Spineless fucks.

On the plus side, it's theoretically Spring, so it should be warming up soon. And she went from hospitalized, to using a walker, to using a cane. And she can drive. Yay progress. Under siege
They took away overtime earlier this week. I think it was because of me. When they offered me the salary gig, I turned it down because it didn't pay any more than my hourly gig with my overtime. I average 42 hours a week. Some are theorizing, myself included, that instead of paying me more money to take the job that they offered me, they will instead cut out my overtime pay and I'll be forced to take the job because "it pays so much more."

Does it?

Also part of the theory is that the other guy in the "trial period" isn't even going to get the job; they're just trying to wait me out. It's a battle of attrition. I'm not sure what my next move should be in this instance: reluctantly take the job? I don't know. I'm very good at cutting my costs, so I can play this out for quite a long time.

They've taken away overtime before. People started working it back into their paychecks within a month. Heh. Our department generates enough money for the company that coughing up a few bucks in paychecks to make a couple more thousand bucks in profit, well, it's a win-win for everyone involved. Tuesday Funnies

FAMILY

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yellsback, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

Golfing is March? What?